Sixty four days…there are sixty four days left in the school year and then I will be flying out to meet Ashton in America. That is only if I make it that long. Turns out that the only reasons that my friends were my friends was because they thought they would get to hang out with the boys. When they found out how rarely they actually come home, suddenly I was no longer interesting. What’s more is that they actually hated me. Like full on, wish I’d disappear from this life, no one would miss me if I died, kind of hated me. I feel the same way though so I can’t really blame them. I feel a sting in my palm and realize that I had been holding my razor in my fist too hard. I see blood dribble onto the floor and sigh in annoyance. Does that count? Would Ashton be angry? I really didn’t realize that it was happening. I put some tissue on the cut and use the other hand to scrub the blood off of the tile. I look at the clock and do some mental math, trying to figure out what time zone Ashton is in and how late it is there. He did tell me to call whenever but what if he is sleeping or they are on stage? He couldn’t really mean to call at anytime, I’m sure he just felt like he had to say it. Like it was his duty as an older brother to at least pretend to care. My phone rings and as soon as I hear High School Musical pay, I know it’s Ash.
"Hey" I say. I know I sound wrong, I don’t sound like me but I hope he can’t tell.
"What’s wrong, Y/N? I had a dream that you needed me and that only happens when you do need me."
"Nothing is wrong Ash. Just go back to bed, yeah?"
"No. I know something is wrong. I can hear it in your voice."
"I’m just tired. School was hard today."
"Cindy and Mindy fighting again?" He jokes.
"Yeah, something like that" I say. I feel the first tear fall and I know it’s not long before the floodgates open.
"What are they fighting about now?" I take a deep breath. Ashton is an international rock star, he has his own problems and shouldn’t have to worry about mine. "Firefly? You still there?"
"Yeah, I’m still here"
"It was quiet, I thought you hung up"
"Hey Ash…Why do you call me Firefly?"
"Always have"
"Yeah but why?"
"The real story is super cheesy"
"Tell me" I urge. I could use a good story right now.
"When you were born, I sat in the waiting room with the nurse. Your birth was so sudden that Mum and Dad didn’t have time to call anyone. When they said I could come see you, you were in this clear crib cart thing but it was like you were glowing. Mum and Dad weren’t fighting and the world was all right. You were like a little firefly in a mason jar that was lighting up the world." I knew I couldn’t hide my pain anymore.
"I was going to cut" I whisper.
"What?" He replies, almost too calmly.
"I had the blade in my hand. I was just reminding myself of all the reasons I deserve it…then you called." I wasn’t going to tell him that the reason was because my ex friends left because they realized I couldn’t hook them up with famous people, that wasn’t his fault.
"Why"
"It’s better for everyone if I’m gone"
"How could you even think that?"
"Mum wouldn’t be struggling with money, you wouldn’t have to worry anymore. Harry and Lauren could have a real childhood instead of one where our mum is worried that she can’t afford dinner so she works another job and they hardly see her." I start to ramble.
"What are you talking about? Mum never told me that she was struggling"
"Oh" I say, worried I went too far. "She probably didn’t want to worry you"
"Too late. If you think killing yourself would make it easier on the family, you’re wrong. I am worried already, I’ll send money"
"I don’t want her to know I told you. It will just make things worse when I go"
"Stop" he practically shouts. "You stop that thinking right now. If you go then I quit"
"Ash…"
"No. If you kill yourself, I quit the band. That’s it. That is your choice."
"Fine, but cutting isn’t killing myself, I deserve the pain. It’s all my fault that Harry and Lauren can’t"
"I said stop" this time he almost growls.
"I can’t do this alone Ash"
"Not much longer Firefly, not much longer."
"I love you Ash"
"I love you too sis. I’ll talk to you later." And with that, our phone call ended. I put the blade on the dresser and grabbed a sweatshirt, making my way to the door. As I reach for the handle, I can hear my mum talking.
"She has to finish school." I don’t know who she is taking to until I’m about to open the door.
"We can’t afford to het her a private tutor" she sighs and I find myself stepping away from the door. There is a knock a few minutes later and my mum walks in.
"Ashton just called" She says and her eyes zone in on the blade. "I thought we were done with this" I look at the floor.
"Is school this much of a problem"
"It’s the biggest issue, yeah" I whisper.
"You don’t have to go anymore, we will figure something else out" she tells me as she picks up the blade and walks out. I feel wrong, I made things worse. I should have never told Ash. I lay down and fall asleep with tears falling from my eyes.
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*Knock knock* I make my way over to the door. I’m home alone so I have no choice. A ma stands with a large envelope and smiles with a large envelope and smiles when he sees me.
"Morning, package for Y/N, needs to be signed for" I give him a small smile and sign the paper. I close the door and open the envelope. Inside is a plane ticket to Washington D.C. I’m utterly confused until my phone rings again.
"Morning Firefly, you have 6 hours to pack until you and Liz fly to us" I could hear the smile in his voice.
"Are you serious?"
"As a heart attack"
"Does mum know?"
"Yes, and Liz is going to teach you while you tour with us."
"I can’t impose"
"I insist"
"But…"
"We all insist!" I hear Calum yell.
"You told them?"
"I had to. I wanted the to know why you were coming instead of going to school"
"I’m sorry that you have to deal with me"
"I’m not Firefly. Now go pack, I’ll see you soon"
"You’re the best" I say.
"Nah, but I’m pretty close" he laughs.
"Bye Ash"
"Bye Firefly"
