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Calum Imagine

Not Good Enough

Today was no doubt building up to be one of the worst days of your life. You were struggle to pluck up the courage to tell Calum that you couldn’t be with him anymore. It wasn’t because you didn’t love him; you were head over heals for this boy. It was more of an interior problem, one that you had with yourself. Whenever you went out, you saw how other girls, much prettier girls, looked at Calum. How they tried to flirt with him as if you weren’t even there. You knew it was imminent that he was bound to leave you one day for one of these beautiful girls. 

You had many sleepless nights thinking of the endless possibilities. How would he break up with you? Or would he never break up with you until you found him sleeping with one of them? You decided that it was too heart breaking to face the truth. You were going to leave Calum before it could ever happen and so that it wouldn’t have worse repercussions later on. 

You heard Calum enter the house. “Shit!” You whispered to yourself. You were going to leave before he came home so that it was easier. You knew it would break you if you had to tell him to his face. Your bags were already in your car and you were heading to your best friend, Luke’s house, just temporarily until you found an apartment. You paced around the room, trying to gather your scrambling thoughts on how to make your escape. 

You crept downstairs, keeping out of Calum’s eyesight, and walked to the door without even a call of your name. You went unnoticed, thankfully. “Fuck.” When you opened the door, you forgot that your alarm chimes. He was inches away when he called your name. “Y/N? Where are you going babe?” He looked at you curiously. You stopped dead in the door frame, shutting your eyes tight, ready to break it to him. “Cal, I, I don’t know how to say this, but, I have to go and I’m not coming back. I’m so sorry.” You didn’t look him in the face once because you knew it would break you. You started walking to your car fast. “Y/N?,” he shouted. “PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME, please. I love you. Please come back I promise I can make it better.” His voice cracked at the end.

You couldn’t do it. You had to shut him out or else you wouldn’t make it. You revved the engine, loud, pulled out the driveway and didn’t look back. It did catch up to you though. You stopped on the side of the road because your tears were starting to blind your vision. Your phone started to ring and you said to yourself “please don’t be Calum, please don’t be Calum.” Luckily it wasn’t. It was Luke. “Hey, Y/N? Are you on your way? You said you’d be here half hour ago and I’m starting to get a little worried because of the state you’re in.” He said with concern. “No Luke I’m okay, Calum came home before I left so I had to rethink what to do. I’m five minutes from your house now. See you soon.” You hung up and composed yourself, making the drive back to Luke’s. 

You noticed Ashton’s car was in the driveway too. “Oh god how many people am I going to have to embarrass myself in front of tonight.” You looked in your car mirror to make sure your cheeks were free of mascara stains and that your eyes were dry. You got out and knocked on the door. “Hey, Y/N, come in. How are you holding up?” Luke inquired. “I’m okay I guess, as long as I keep my mind distracted. So um, Ashton’s here too?” “No, um. He just brought someone over and took my car to the grocery for a second.” Luke looked a little guilty. “Why didn’t he just take his own car…?” You started to question him. “Well, cause he brought someone over and uh, I didn’t think you’d come in if you saw his car.” Suddenly a wave of realization washed over you.

"No! Luke, what the hell? I thought I could come here as an escape. I thought you’d at least warn me when he’d be here so I can leave. I’m going," you said, hand on the doorknob. "No wait, Y/N," he grabbed your arm, "hear me out first alright?" You nodded. "Look, Calum’s my best mate and I think he just deserves closure. He called me right after you left and he sounded so hollow. He said he had no idea why you left him and I just can’t see him like this. It’s not healthy." You thought this over. "I can’t talk to him Luke. Don’t you understand how heart breaking it was to leave him already? Please don’t let me do this." Luke looked skeptical for a moment. "I have an idea. You tell me why you left him and I will go talk to him myself. Then you can go up to the spare room and I’ll let you know when he’s left, then you can come down alright?" You thought this over and seemed that it was a reasonable compromise. "Okay, that sounds good. Well, this is what happened…" You poured yourself out to Luke, reducing you to tears again.

He brought you a box of tissues and a cup of tea before ushering you upstairs to the spare room. You got in and you plopped down on the bed. This was the absolute worst. You were left alone to your thoughts and they were all of Calum. You needed to talk to your best friend but she was out for the night. You got under the covers and started crying into your pillow, not wanting to make enough noise to let Calum know that you were broken.

All of a sudden, you heard a soft knock on the door. You wiped your eyes on your sleeve, cleared your nose and answered. “Luke?” You called. “No, it’s me.” A dark haired boy popped his head in the door crack. It was Calum. “Please leave, I thought I made it clear to Luke that I didn’t want to see you.” You scowled. “I know, and he told me, but I need to talk to you, because you’re wrong. The reasons why you left me is over something that I’d never want to do to you. Please, just listen?” You looked up at Calum and could see that his eyes were red. It hurt so much. “Okay.” You sighed. 

He sat on the desk chair across from the bed, not wanting to anger you further, you thought. “I want you to know that all this bullshit, about other, more ‘beautiful’ girls ever thinking that I’d want them isn’t true. Because there is no other girl in this world that I think is more beautiful than you, and I mean it. I have never cheated on anyone nor will I ever because I’m not that kind of guy. But if you think I am, then I’ll walk out of this room right now. I don’t know how else to say it but there’s no other girl I’ve laid eyes on since I’ve met you and you’re the only one I want. I’m not the dick you’ve made me out to be.” Calum got up and started walking to the door. 

"W-wait," You said. "Please don’t leave. I’m sorry, I just, I’m just so insecure. All of my life I’ve been comparing myself to other girls and felt completely worthless. I guess seeing myself with a guy like you was a bit too much because I never thought I’d get this lucky. I was always teased for being single and never having a boyfriend, but you came along and it was okay, but then I started questioning myself. I started to compare myself to other girls, knowing I was easily replaceable." Calum sat down at the end of the bed and took my hand in his. He used his hand to tilt my tear-stained face to look at him. 

"Listen to me, babe. I know it’s hard to accept, but I do love you. And I think you’re absolutely wonderful. No one can make me laugh as much as you, or accept me for my stupidity. I’m just really happy to be with you all the time. It broke me when you left. I was even thinking of leaving the band for a while because I could see there was a lot of emotional damage that I’d need time to deal with. I don’t want to do that. I want to be with you and I want to be touring with my best mates. You’re my everything." He brought me close to his chest in a tight embrace.

I rested my head in the crook of his neck. “I’m so sorry, Calum. I’m such an idiot for making you go through this but I promise I won’t question it again.” “It’s okay. I forgive you. But listen, if something’s ever bothering you like this again, talk to me okay? I’m here for you.” He kissed you on the head. 

"WHO WANTS SOME ICE CREAM WITH SPRINKLES?" Luke burst into the room with two bowls. You both broke out into laughter. "In a minute Luke." He smiled at you two and went back downstairs. Calum held you for a while until you were all cried out and happy again. As you were walking downstairs, Calum stopped to say something. "Shit, the ice cream’s probably melted."