xTrigger Warningx This was hard for me to write, but I hope you enjoy it.
You're not alone
I'll listen till your tears give out
You're safe and sound, I swear that I won't let you down
What's hurting you I, I feel it too
I mean it when I say
When you cry, I cry with you, with you
Cry With You- Hunter Hayes
Ugly. Unloved. I have never thought of myself as pretty or one of those girls who were the perfect package. I'm just plain old Kayla. I don't think anyone is actually capable of loving me. Everybody I have ever loved just leaves. I'm alone. Alone.
It is weird to consider myself alone. I have my family, but it's not always sunshine and rainbows with them. I have friends. But they are all so fake. The only person I have always has been there for me. Tom Brady.
It's hard to believe him. How could he love me? There has never been a day that I loved myself, but oh god, did I love him. People are so full of shit when they say 'you can't love someone unless you love yourself first.'
He knows I feel like this, but whenever he brings it up. I ignore him. I just don't want to talk about it.
I have become too reliant on him for everything. My problem is whenever I feel lost or uncertain I look for him.... Not for myself.
Right now I am lying in bed crying. It's all so tough for me lately and I just need a break from the world. I heard the front door open and immediately wipe my tears and roll over so Tom doesn't see me like this.
"Babe?" I hear a yell from downstairs. My heart hurts. I don't want him to worry. I heard his footsteps coming upstairs and the anxiety kicks in. Why am I having a panic attack right now?
"Baby?"
My chest hurts. No. Please. No.
He rubs my back.
My heartbeat quickens. Leave. He has to leave.
"Kayla. I know you're awake."
I sit up and jump into his chest. I can't breathe. Everything hurts. Why is it so cold?
"I'M SO UGLY. I'M WORTHLESS. I CAN'T DO THIS TOM. IT HURTS."
I'm losing control. Why am I so scared if I'm in his arms?
"Kayla. Breathe with me."
In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In and out. I got this.
"You got this Kayla. You are so pretty. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Breathtaking. And oh gosh baby. You are worth every single ounce of love, respect, and attention."
In. Out. In. Out. Breathe in and out.
"I will be here for you every step of the way. You can cry and I'll be your shoulder. I will make everything better."
I lost my chill.
"YOU WILL MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THESE GUYS THINKING THAT THEY WILL MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER? YOU TELL ME 'I'M BEAUTIFUL' AND I BELIEVE YOU. NO FUCK YOU TOM."
I try to get out of his arms, but he won't let me.
"It's okay. I got you. In and out. In and out.
This isn't a feeling that just goes away.
But I will eventually be okay.
Especially with Tom by my side.
Sorry, it took so long. I hope you enjoyed. :) Keep requesting. xABx
