NOTHING TO YOU. seonghwa

Ｃｈａｐｔｅｒ ５９

The drained, murky sky was like a river of opaque grey. Rumbling with loud thunder every so often.

Daeun sniffled incessantly beside Lucas, dabbing her eyes with a tissue that was now soiled in the concealer. They walked wordlessly down the pavement, side by side as their shoulders brushed past each other every now and then. Lucas had his hands squeezed in his pockets, wearily glancing at Daeun who stared aimlessly at the concrete ground. He's never seen her like this- and he never wants to see her like this again. It was as though her emotions had switched off along with her humanity. She was just lifelessly walking beside him, the popping energy and fuelled sassiness she possessed wasn't there anymore. It was gone along with her contagious smile.

He clenched down his jaw, biting back his anger as he tried to not say something that would hurt her even more. But who did Park Seonghwa think he was?

He should've not used Daeun like that, now he has to deal with him.

"Are you not angry with me?"

His head flicked in her direction, pouting when she still wouldn't look at him. Lucas could barely hear her voice, it sounded so unalike her usual cheeriness.

Was this even Bae Daeun he was talking to?

"I'm not angry with you." Lucas shrugged.

"But I hid stuff from all of you, they're all angry with me… so why aren't you?" She whispered, finally looking up so she met his brown orbs.

Her glazed eyes were enough to make Lucas heart shatter into millions of pieces. There was no glint of hope or happiness in her expression, she was so done with people the around her. It was like she didn't care about anything anymore- and maybe that was the case.

Lucas exhaled deeply, blinking back the harsh reality of her words. It was a genuine question, why wasn't he angry? But it sounded as if she wanted him to be enraged with her, just like the others and he couldn't bring himself to stoop that low.

"I'm not angry." He began quietly, fumbling around with his words as he tried to think of why. Why couldn't he be angry with her?

"Maybe it's because I didn't hear your side of the story. Why should I just go assume what happened and be angry with you just like everyone else? That's stupid and plus I'm not 'everyone else'. Yeah I might be a bit disappointed that you told Seonghwa first but that's your choice, and who am I to tell you what to say or do? And besides if I'm being honest… you don't even have to tell me. I know you Daeun and knowing you, I bet you're blaming yourself for something you didn't do."

Daeun listened soundlessly to him, the lump in her throat growing bigger and heavier as he continued speaking. He spoke so truthfully that it scared her. How was he able to see right through her?

He understood her too well that it painfully opened up the harsh wounds of the past.

"Seonghwa didn't deserve you elsa, you deserve someone so much better." He murmured, taking her hand in his, he stared down it as he intertwined their fingers together. Daeun's breath hitched at his electrifying touch, too stunned to say anything.

"Lucas…" she trailed off, stopping only metres away from her apartment block. He squeezed her hand and surges of heat swept up her arms. She tried to ignore the rush of energy and instead covered her expression with a wry chuckle, "I'm a monster, you-you don't know the bad things I've done."

Lucas shook his head adamantly. No, he won't believe that. He believes Bae Daeun is a good person and he will carry on believing that.

"If that makes you feel better the keep on telling yourself that Daeun. But deep down we both know you're blaming yourself for something that was out of your control."

 

[ ➠ ]

  

Seonghwa stood out back, leaning against the icy brick wall of the club. He gazed aimlessly at the black serenity, a canvas studded with luminous stars. Maybe as aimless as him.

Small clouds slipped out of his parted lips as he shivered in the cold. It was his 18th, he was supposed to be downing alcohol until he couldn't walk anymore. But there wasn't that thrill he was meant to be feeling. No, instead it was like his mind was fluctuated between enjoying the night and her.

Soon he slipped out of the club for a breath of fresh air.

He brought this upon himself, he knows that, he tells himself that but he couldn't deny that he felt somewhat empty. He tried to ignore his puzzling thoughts and distract himself but in the end it would always lead to Bae Daeun.

Shivering, he rubbed his hands together relentlessly as harsh gusts of wind rushed past him. His wrist grazed the cold silver watch- the one Daeun got him.

"Mars!"
"Where is that fucking dickhead? It's not like him to be missing out on alcohol and girls."

"Now is not the time to be cursing Mingi!"

"Oh my bad, let's listen to the idiot who lost him in the first place because he was too busy trying to impress college girls."

"Hey that's not fair!"

Seonghwa grimaced at their slurred voices arguing, shoving his hands into his leather jacket, he listened quietly to their footsteps fade away into the faint music. He let out a relieved sigh when they were finally gone, along with their useless bickering.

And alone he stood.
Listening to his heart cry as he thinks about her.