Sunflower. [F. W]

5. Panic

It had been a week since the veritaserum accident and it was driving the twins and Lee nuts. So much that Lee refused to go home until the whole thing had been fixed. It hadn't been easy. Bee had been avoiding them like a pro. She sat the furthest from them at meals and spent most of her time with Charlie, Bill, her dad or Molly. Molly had taught her how to crochet, Charlie would talk about his dragons, her and Bill would play cards and she had actually bonded with Sirius a lot more. 

She was having fun but it hurt her. She missed them, specially Fred. But they made a mistake and she wasn't going forgive them and act like nothing had happened. Cause it had. Maybe it was harsh, but she never expected her best friends to pull something like that. She didn't mind the pranks, but this felt like they had gone too far. 

It was now almost sunset, as she sat with Charlie outside. None of them said anything, they just enjoyed each other's silence. It was nice, they liked it that way. 

"You know" Charlie started "Freddie didn't know about the veritaserum..."

"I figured. It just hurts, Charlie. I don't know. He didn't say anything afterwards."

"He yelled at them the next day, I thought you should know. He misses you, they all do. But this has taken a toll on Fred. He is miserable, because he doesn't know how to fix things."

"He doesn't have to fix anything. George or Lee, yes. But not him. I miss them to Charlie, but I feel like they've gone too far. They know I have a little thing for Fred, and they know how important my privacy is for me."

"And they regret it. Listen I'm not going to tell you to forgive them. That is on you. But please talk to Freddie. He feels guilty, and he needs a hug."

With that Bee rose from her seat and went inside. She knocked on the twin's bedroom door and waited for and answer. The three boys' faces lit up at the sight of their best friend, only to be let down again by her words. 

"Don't. I'm here to speak with Fred."

Both of them made their way downstairs and then walked to the lake, the same place they had been slow dancing not many nights ago. She hugged him, much to his surprise. 

"I don't want to be mad at you Freddie, but I'm hurt" She said in a soft voice. 

"I know love, I know. I'm so fucking sorry." Fred said holding her. "Do you regret it?"

"What?"

"Do you regret what we did I mean. I just- you played of as nothing but I really enjoyed it and I don't know..."
"What? No Freddie I don't regret it. But put yourself in my shoes for a second. They wanted me to say something I was not comfortable speaking about. And they disregarded my privacy. I didn't regret anything, but at the same time I feel a little ashamed, as if they had been waiting for this to happen. It takes the "enjoying" part out of the picture."
"I get it, darling" Fred said trying to comfort her, "they are sorry, and so am I. I swear I didn't know about the veritaserum, I would have never put you in a situation like that willingly. Lee and Georgie are miserable, but I get that you want them to understand they crossed a line."

At this point she was crying very softly, she hated crying in front of people. 

"Let it out love, I can feel you've been holding it together. Sometimes friends hurt you, it's okay to cry about it. You have feelings and they were hurt."

She was being pressed tight onto his clothed chest, and then she felt it coming. It started out as sobs. But slowly she stepped away from Fred and fell straight for the ground. She couldn't breath. Hyperventilating and sobbing don't mix well, and she started to feel dizzy. Not only that, she could feel herself disassociating from reality and her own body. 

"Darling, hey, can you tell me where are you?" Fred spoke softly, knowing exactly what to do. 

"The Burrow."

Her hands went to her arms, starting to scratch. It was her way of keeping herself grounded, but not a healthy one. 

"You are here with me okay, count my freckles, you've done this before."
He grabbed her hands, and placed them on his, little specks of blood appearing on her arms. She tried to let go. 

"Stop Freddie, I don't want to hurt you."
"You are not hurting me, besides I'd rather that than you hurting yourself."

She was grabbing his hands like her life depended on it. And she started counting, just like he had asked her. 

"See? You've got this, keep on counting, love. There is no rush."

Slowly, everything was going steady again. She had stopped crying and her breathing was little by little going back to normal. When Fred felt it was time, he let go of her hands. 

"Give me two minutes, okay?"

She just nodded, staring at the lake as he run inside. He went to the bathroom, grabbing what we might need to stop the bleeding in her arms, and stopped to grab a hoodie from his room. Lee and George looked at each other, guilt feeling their eyes. They knew. They had  seen her friend have panic attacks before, only now they felt it was their fault. 

Molly and Remus looked at each other, they knew too. They had been concerned for the girl. They knew Bee just bottled everything inside until she couldn't take it anymore. It was the worst of habits. This time, the veritaserum accident, the morning with Fred, adjusting to life with her dad, adjusting to life not living with Remus, ... they got to her. Remus had a pretty hard time explaining to his best friend what was going on with her daughter. He had seen his fair share of her panic attacks, but it still worried him. He had raised the girl after all. 

Fred went back, finding her just as she had left her, staring at the lake. Being really delicate, Fred took her arm, and started healing the little scars. She made no noise, but he knew they were itchy. He put a bandage just in case. Just has he finished he put his hoodie on her, rolling up the sleeve were the bandage sat. And held her close for a while. 

"Are you ready to go back inside, love?"

She nodded, holding his hand as he made his way inside. Remus, Sirius and Molly looked at the two of them. 

"Again?" Asked Molly. 

Fred answered for her as she made his way to Remus on the sofa. 

"She is okay now, I did my best to heal her arm."

Molly just nodded and looked at the girl. She was laying in a fetal position, with her head on Remus lap, munching on a little chocolate. It had always worked as a child. Remus slowly run his fingers through her hair. She looked at his dad. 

"You know this is not your fault, right?"

"I can't help but feel guilty, little one."

"Dad it's okay" she said almost as a whisper. "It is a big change, it was bound to happen. I'm just happy you are by my side again, okay? It's just new. That's all."

Unsure, Sirius just looked at her. It astonished him how just after having a panic attack she still managed to calm everyone around her. He did feel guilty, he came back ready, as if he went back to the little girl he left, not the young woman she had become. Fred made her way to her and crouched down to her level so he could look into her eyes. 

"I'm going to bed okay, love? Wake me up if you need something, please. You are here. You are okay. I'm proud of you."

He kissed her forhead lingering a little. There goes time, stopping just for the both of them again. Remus shared a knowing look with Sirius. The girl couldn't have fallen for someone as right for her as young Fred Weasley.