Sunflower. [F. W]

76. Homesick

Tw: Mentions of suicide

Remus was walking the walls of Grimmauld Place, looking for his goddaughter. Fred had told him she had been miserable ever since the Angie accident (as they had called it), and Remus knew Bee had gone to his father's house. He got slightly worried when he didn't see her in her own room, and then an idea popped into his head. 

He found her in a fetal position hugging one of Sirius shirts, softly crying. She had gone through so much, and all she wanted was her mum and dad. She just wanted the comfort of being in Sirius' arms and being held there. She turned around at the sound of the door opening. 

"Oh dad, it's just you." She said softly. 

"Did you just call me dad?" 

"Yeah. You have always been my second dad." 

Remus walked over to the girl sitting beside her as she cuddled into her, Remus holding her. 

"I miss him, Moony."

"I know, my darling girl, I miss him too." 

"I just wish he was still alive. I know I still get to see him in my visions but it is not the same. And it has hit me like a truck. As long as I am alive, this shit will keep happening. I feel like all of us are in danger because of me. And this doesn't get fixed with a batch of dad's cookies and Fred's kisses. I don't know how to fix this mess." 

"Because it is not your mess to fix, Bee. It never was." Remus stopped for a second. "You are not having those thoughts again, have you?" 

Bee's silence was more than enough answer to Remus. The first time she had thought of ending it all was when she was 13. Adrian had just started bullying her, her anxiety got worse, and she couldn't take it anymore. She was far too young to feel that much pain. And that is exactly how she felt. There was no denying, Angie's death had been the cherry on top to something she had tried to ignore for months now. The sinking feeling that without her, maybe the world would be a little happier. It seemed to her that since she first got kidnapped, her life had been constant pain. And she just wanted it all to stop. To breath. 

"Answer me, please." 

"Yes. Yes I have. But I have not acted on them, I promise." 

Remus sighted. The last time they had this conversation she was 15, and it was the summer before sixth year. She felt just as little as she did now. She replayed Fred's words on her head a lot. Fred deserved a happy family, and all she could give him was trouble. The guilt was like a hand on  her throat and a boot pressing down on her chest, it was choking her. She felt like no matter how hard she tried to gasp for air, she couldn't. 

"Have you told Fred?"

"I can't do that to him... He's already worried sick. I don't want him to worry anymore." 

"He's your husband, he will worry regardless. And don't even think of leaving. He'd worry still." 

"I just want it all to stop. I can't do this anymore." 

"Yes you can. Nothing else is going to happen."

"Everyone keeps saying that! And what did I get? My best friend murdered in my café as a warning!" 

She completely broke down sobbing, and Remus just held her the best he could. He understood what she had been feeling, the amount of loss she went through, hiding, a war, the powers... Maybe someone her age shouldn't be going through that. Not now, not ever. They lost track of time when there was a knock on the door, one William Weasley peaking his head. 

"Can I talk to her?" 

Remus nodded his head, and Bill replaced Remus' body in the bed. 

"How are you feeling, little one?" 

"Oh peachy" she laughed softly. "What brings you here? Not that I complain about it." 

"I have some news for you. I wanted you to be the first to know. Fleur is pregnant, she has been for a couple months now, it's a girl, Victoire and-" 

"And let me guess, you want me away from the kid. I get it Bill, really. I wouldn't want to have me around babies either given the fact that trouble follows me around." 

"What? Hell no! All the contrary. We have already got the godparents. But we've talked, Fleur and I. We want you to be her legal guardians instead of the godparents if something happened to us. Nothing has to happen, but in the case it did, we want you two to raise her." 

"Why?" 

"Because all I want is for this baby to grow up in a household full of love. And the first example of pure and healthy love in my head was Fred and you. Fleur loves the both of you and agreed as soon as I brought up the idea." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Bee we are extremely sure. Now come on, dry your face. I have to take you to the shop. There's something you have to see." 

Soon enough they were back at the shop with the twins. They were launching a new product and either Fred didn't tell her or he did but she was too numb to remember. The second George spotted them, he gathered everyone around a little stand, the shelves behind them covered by a large cloth. 

"Ah, now we can start!" George clapped his hand. "Weasley Wizard Wheezes is proud to present to you: the beehive!" 

Fred pulled the curtain to reveal a whole set of stuffed plush bees, in 7 different colours. 

"This bees work in a similar way as amortentia. But instead of a love potion that smells like what you feel the most attracted to, this bee is design to smell like something that comforts you. For instance, Freddie would do you smell?" 

"My wife" he said smelling the bee with a smile, finding her in the crowd. "And you Georgie?" 

"Mum's cooking!" he giggled with the crowd. "Alas, we still have one thing left to show you. This product didn't just burst out of ourselves. We took great inspiration in someone here today." 

Fred pulled a little curtain, showing a picture of Fred, Bee and George in their first year at Hogwarts, and a little golden plaque. 

This product is inspired our dear friend Bee. Best friend and wife, and the best prankster Hogwarts has ever seen.The sun to our sunflowers and the refuge we can always seek when the storm hits too hard, for she has always welcomed us with her arms wide open. Thank you for being our home.

"We're terribly lucky that you share the name with the insect, huh love?"