Sunflower. [F. W]

115. Red handed

Instead of going to Charlie's house, Bee decided to go to Remus' cottage, the same one she had grown up in. The man took her in and the both of them went to Bee's room, which hadn't been touched at all. The old posters, the walls full of Sunflowers, the books, everything was in its place. And it gave her comfort. Bee was curled up in her  bed as Remus sat in the comfy chair she used to study, looking at the girl who was practically his daughter. 

"So?" 

"Fred and I had a row. It was honestly bad. We said some things we didn't and well I don't know. Do you think I'm selfish, dad? Difficult to love?" 

"Not at all. I just think you've gone through a lot and it's natural you have some reactions. Normally I wouldn't justify your actions, but little one you've gone through far more than you should've, and you did this out of love and not selfishness. It doesn't mean it's okay, it just means you have to learn how to manage things another way, and meet Fred halfway."

"Yeah but-"

"Do you want to know what I think?" 

"Please."

"I think you still feel guilty about not being able to save your father and Draco, so you make up for it trying to save everyone else, because of your guilt. And Fred sees that, he sees you hurt. And it hurts him that after all of this, you still see yourself capable of hurting your own kids. Bee you almost died at the hands of Bellatrix to save your son." 

"But I don't want to lose control, Moony." 

"You won't. Honestly, Fred is hurt. He probably doesn't understand the situation, and he hates that you are talking like that about yourself. You have known each other since you were 11, and in a few days you'll be 22. He has seen you in your darkest hours, and is probably scared you'll go back to that."

"But I won't!"

"Bee, love. I've known you since you were a cub. I know how your brain works. First you'll start like that, and then you'll get in a really toxic circle of blaiming yourself for everything that's wrong, and then you'll go into an episode of depression. Listen, how about you and I make a deal?" 

"Depends..."

"You'll go back home, and you'll talk to Fred. This is a communication issues from both of you being scared. Talk things out. And you won't worry about the powers until you have a reason to. The second something happens, you and I are going to go find Lucille and figure this out. Deal?" 

"But-"

"Deal?"

"Ugh, fine. Deal. Can I stay here for the night? I missed my room and the feeling of David Bowie staring to my soul when I go to bed." 

"Sure, you can stay here. But only for tonight and tonight only." 

"I promise dad." 

Remus kissed her forehead and went to the kitchen to make himself some supper and get her some ice cream. Bee took the framed picture beside her bed. It was a picture of her and the Marauders (minus Peter, who never really liked her) in the Potter's backyard the same year they were killed. 

She missed the times she could barely remember, the memories product of what Remus had told her. The times where she would climb on James' shoulder, or when she held Harry for the first time. She missed having pizza with Remus on Fridays while watching some movie that they used as white noise. But most of all, she missed her father. 

She missed Sirius more than she missed anyone. No one should see their parents die, but there was something about the way she died that still didn't sit right with her. She should be fine, the woman who killed him was dead. But there was something about how he went that made her skin crawl. Remus was right, she still felt guilty about the fact that she had the power to save him, but couldn't do it. If she closed her eyes, she could still hear Harry screaming, her ears ringing and Bellatrix laugh. 

But what could she do when she had lost both her parents so young? Sure, she still had Molly and Remus, and her mum was gone when she was a kid. But they took Sirius away from her. She hadn't noticed but she had started crying. She understood she had to stop being strong for everyone, she had to mourn Sirius and Draco properly to be able to move on, to be able to stop trying to save everyone. 

Fred wasn't doing good either after the row. He felt guilty, but he had never been one to know how to deal with situations like this. So, he decided to go to the Leaky Cauldron for a drink, or two, or seven. He was 3 drinks deep when a familiar voice approached him. 

"You know, the little stunt your girl pulled to humiliate me could make her go to Azkaban." 

"Fuck off, Jessica. You and I both know you being a Death Eater, a known one might I add, will get more time than her if I run to the Ministry and open my mouth." 

"Why haven't you?" Said Jessica, bringing her lips to the rim of the glass and drinking a little. 

"Because I want nothing to do with you. You are a foul bitch." 

"Aw don't be mean Freddie, that's not nice." 

"Don't call me Freddie." 

"You know, you and I would have made quite the match." 

"Please don't make me laugh." 

"I'm being serious" She brought her stool a little closer to his. "Think about it, a power couple. We could get over the sappy shit, and go on adventures, you know. Leave the kid with her, maybe even the joke shop, and we could travel the world, do something wild." 

"Leave the kid? And the shop? What's next, change the name and travel to Canada? You're deranged, get checked. Tom pour me another one, please." 

"Have you ever been with anyone else but her?" 

"No, and what about it?"

"I bet I could make you feel things she doesn't" Jessica said, whispering while she placed her hand on his thigh. 

The next morning, when Bee walked into the living room of their house, the first thing she noticed was a bralette that for sure wasn't hers, it was far too small. The next thing she notice was the underwear in the stairs leading to their bedroom. She recognized them, they looked an awful lot like the ones she had gotten him for his birthday as joke. 

The next thing she heard were whimpers. Her heart was beating hard on her chest, almost unable to register what was going on. The row was bad, but had it been bad enough for Fred to cheat and still be in the house? In their home? He had work today, and baby Sirius was at the Burrow spending quality time with Molly and Arthur. With one last breath, and very shakily, she opened the door. 

"This is not what it looks like!" 

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I felt happy enough to post, so here is a little chapter. I just wanted to thank you all for the support on your last post, it just makes me really fucking happy to know you are there. I don't even know what to answer at this point because I feel it won't be enough. Things are starting to slowly work themselves out, so it's nice. 

This chapter goes to @dobby12344, @enaja1811, @wandaisamilf and @fredngeorges_slut for just being great people overall. 

Gentle reminder today is that small victories matter. You ate lunch today? I'm proud of you. Got out of bed? You go bestie! Went to a sucky shift at work? Get that coin petal! You've made it to today and that is no small victory, that is a huge one. I'm glad you are here, I love you. You are not alone and you are beautiful. 

- Berts <3