Stucky One Shots

Beautiful

So here's another one requested by spideymanandloki, (apparently she has many ideas like all the time), so yeah. Here we go.

Bucky heads home from a mission, beaten mentally and physically. He pushes the door open and walks into the apartment he shared with his husband, Steve Rogers. The lights were all off and all was quiet. It was about eleven at night, so Bucky was grateful that Steve was at least getting some sleep. He didn't seem to sleep that well; neither did.

He carefully heads to the kitchen and sighs, running a hand through his messy, scraggly hair. He scowls at how greasy it feels; his mission lasted for about two weeks and he only got to shower about twice. He felt dirty and grossed out with everything. Especially himself.

Lately Bucky has been positively hating himself. He hated himself for every death he caused, every misfortune that fell upon someone because of him, hated that he actually beat his husband nearly to death. He always scrubbed his hands under hot, hot water to try to disinfect them, try to clean some of himself.

His hands were scalding before he even knew it. He blinks himself from his thoughts and looks at his burning, red right hand, it was really painful. The water gushed from the faucet loudly and he quickly turns the water off with his left hand, the metal was hot from the water.

He wraps a towel around his right hand, wincing a little at the pain. He hears a creak from the bedroom and freezes, praying he didn't wake Steve. Sure enough, the blonde came out, hair a mess and rubbing his eyes sleepily. Bucky sighs softly. Anything could wake Steve, he was a really light sleeper, which was probably one of the reasons he couldn't sleep very well. And Bucky, well, night terrors were common.

"Bucky?" Steve mumbles, blinking to clear the sleep from his eyes.

"Hey baby." Bucky croons softly, wandering over. He hugs Steve but is careful not to touch his back with his burning left hand. Steve hums something and kisses the top of his head gently.

"Hey. How'd the mission go?" Steve asks, looking at him. Bucky shrugs a little. He'd hated it; he'd had to kill. He hated killing.

"Fine. I'm sorry I woke you." Bucky mumbles, reaching up to the back of his head and yanking on his brown hair. It was a habit of his. Steve notices and sighs softly. He takes Bucky's arm and lowers it so he's not pulling on his hair anymore.

"You're doing it again, Buck." He sighs and the brunette doesn't answer, he clenches and unclenches his hand into a fist; another habit.

"You should probably try to get some more sleep." Bucky says finally, glancing up at him.

"Okay. You'll be along in a bit?" Steve asks and Bucky nods.

"Yeah. Don't take up the entire bed again." He warns playfully and Steve rolls his eyes, a small smile pulling his lips.

"Yeah, yeah." He replies before sauntering back into the bedroom. Bucky smiles a little to himself before sighing and putting his gear and stuff away.

Once he's all finished he gets into some pajamas and crawls into bed, curling up against Steve. The blonde wraps his arms around him and Bucky sighs a little.

"You're supposed to be asleep." He says, glancing at him. Steve shrugs.

"Couldn't sleep." He replies, yawning. Bucky buries down deeper and sighs into his pillow, closing his eyes. He instantly sees gun shots, blood spilling, shouting and yelling, and he opens his eyes again. Bucky sits up and gets out of bed, he goes to the bathroom and closes and locks the door.

He breathes out shakily and puts his head in his hands, clenching his hair in his hands. He grits his teeth tightly and yanks on his hair.

He said a mantra in his head, and not a very pleasant one. Basically one telling himself he was horrible and a monster and he didn't deserve this and he was ugly inside and out. He honestly wondered why Steve was with him sometimes.

"Bucky?" Steve asks quietly, knocking on the door. The brunette doesn't raise his head, just buries it deeper. He lifts his sleeve up on the left side and looks at the scars running along where the metal and skin connected. Bucky swallows and rubs his face.

"Why are you with me?" He hears himself ask in a shaky breath. He also hears a pause on the other end and he listens intently.

"Because I love you, Bucky." He replies as if confused by the question.

"But why? I'm a monster, I've killed so many innocent people, I don't even look good for cryin' out loud!" He says out loud as the mantra plays through his head.

"Bucky, baby, you aren't a monster. The Winter Soldier killed those people, we both know you had no other choice. And you think you aren't good lookin'? Geez, Buck, are you blind, you're gorgeous. You're so beautiful in so many ways and you don't see it." Steve replies and Bucky shakes his head.

"Not a monster? Gimme five good reasons why not. And really? I was the Winter Soldier, Steve. I was and there's no changing that. And how am I possibly gorgeous?! A freak with a metal arm, scars and a bad reputation doesn't equal gorgeous." He says flatly and there's a pause outside before Steve speaks up again.

"One you're human, two, monsters don't exist, three because you're you, four 'cause monsters can't be good lookin' and five 'cause I'm just right. And yes, really, Bucky, I know you were the Winter Soldier. You also had no control over yourself and when you did you were fighting it! Does that sound like a monster? And yeah, you are gorgeous. Just everything about you. The scars and the arm? That's just you, baby. That's part of what makes you you. I love you no matter what; you're my world. It felt like my life ended when I lost you." Steve says and Bucky goes silent.

"'Five 'cause I'm just right.'Classy, Steve. I know you're trying to convince me but... I don't see it." He says softly. He hears a sigh on the other end and hears the blonde lower himself so he's pressed against the door, same as Bucky but on the ither side.

"I know you don't. I'm trying to convince you, Buck, to show you. I love you, okay? No matter what you've done, no matter how you look. But on both fronts... you just amaze me. After all you've been through you still have the courage to face the world and to be honest, sometimes when I feel like I can't do it I think of what you went through and say 'if Bucky went through that, this is nothing'. I'm so proud of you. And don't get me started on your looks. Remember back in the forties you were such a ladies man? You still have the looks. Seriously, I can't even believe it sometimes. You're just... beautiful and every day I know how lucky I am to be married to such an amazing guy." Steve says quietly. Bucky had been silently crying, his hand covering his mouth. With one hand he opens the door and Steve comes in.

"I love you Steve." Bucky sobs, Steve sits down and hugs him. Bucky sobs into his shoulder, he'd needed to hear that for so long now.

"I love you too. No more hurting yourself, okay?" Steve says softly and Bucky nods, grip tightening on him. Of course the blonde had noticed and known.

So from that day on, Bucky actually took a good look in the mirror and didn't hate everything he saw. He appreciated life and himself and the pair were never happier.