Traitor (Renji Yomo x Reader) [Continued in a second book!]

Book Of Memories

Of course, Renji didn't let me join him this time.

After he saw how bad I was doing he helped me to the couch and brought me some medicine that we bought just a few days ago.

It was supposed to calm my stomach but so far it didn't help at all.

Since he had no idea what was going on, I had to explain it to him.

No, I didn't tell him about everything I saw in my flashback - out of fear that my mind was messing up and he'd hold a grudge against that Marta person.

Perhaps it was a messed up flashback because I wasn't doing good. You know, maybe it was like one of those nightmares you tend to have when you're sick, those that tell you lies or are completely screwed.

Either way, he forced me to agree to visit a doctor tomorrow.

Sure, he was right but I really didn't want to go there.

The last thing he did was hand me a coffee. Probably to make sure I wouldn't fall asleep and instead be able to learn.. I guess.

And I mean he was totally right with that. Only about a week was left until my first test.. and within the next four weeks, everything would be over.

That thought scared me cause my learning was going rather slow.. And it was so much to remember.

Either way, Renji had to leave a few minutes after the incident, which made him feel really guilty but he promised to hurry and told me not to open the door.

For some reason he even took the keys and locked the door - basically locking me inside.

This whole situation really scared me for a few minutes.. Or well.. About an hour before I calmed down and felt good enough to start learning properly.

Luckily my laptop was on the couch table so I just had to reach out for it.

Unfortunately, I met my father's face again which immediately made me feel sick again. This time, I managed to stay strong though and quickly closed the book.

As much as I loved my family.. Or I thought I loved them.. I was just too confused right now and didn't want to think about it.

At least his face wasn't on the cover of the book.

So as time passed by I tried to force the learning material into my brain.

But. It. Just. Didn't. Work. - Which really upset me.

My brain wasn't functioning the way I wanted it to and suddenly everything started annoying me:

The heat of my laptop, the food I couldn't eat, the water I had to drink, this room, the sound all those clocks around me made, that half of my coffee was cold by now, the rain pelting down onto Renji's container, the sound of the wind outside, the book about my father and probably my family - but most of all, myself. I was so fed up and done with myself I wished I could've torn my hair out. The fact that I didn't manage to memorize one page that I continuously re-read really upset me. If I couldn't even memorize one page, how would I remember about 50 for each subject? It seemed impossible and it angered me.

All I could do was take a break.. I knew that if I continued trying I'd end up smashing my laptop against a wall.

Also knowing that I'd go crazy if I'd spend my break looking at my laptop, I decided to enter Renji's bedroom.. Or well it was mine at the moment but anyway, I decided to stay in there for a while to calm down.

Laying on my bed I soon realized that there was no way I'd calm down. Like.. my anger faded but it turned into frustration instead and now that I was already in the bedroom I started thinking about Renji's and my past.