Traitor (Renji Yomo x Reader) [Continued in a second book!]

His Last Honor

That night, you fell asleep in his comforting embrace. Spooning, like you always used to. The couch was small, that's why both his arms were wrapped around your body. That way he could ensure you wouldn't fall off.

Reading all those condolence cards wore both of you out. They were a reality-check, letting Ryuu's fate sink in entirely. Most were written by nurses or doctors that somehow helped Ryuu or you through the pregnancy. Chigyou sent one, even Touka and Hinami sent one each. There was one card you opened and almost immediately tore to pieces; it was by Itori and directed at Renji.. Only Renji. She flirted with him through it, drew hearts in it. The card made you sick, so you blatantly tore it apart. Renji, of course, agreed to it. This could've easily caused a huge fight between the two of you but luckily neither of you were in the mood for that. Another card that stood out was anonymous: the image printed on the card was impressively pretty but the text was rather plain.

The last card, the most touching but also the most precarious card, was from Arima. It easily had the most text in it. Condolences were followed by numerous apologies and a wish to have visited Ryuu before he passed. Aside from that, he promised to attend the funeral and ended the card by wishing them both well. Just reading out the sender upset Renji; Arima was still his worst enemy. He could've easily burst into flames at the mention of Arima, but the second he saw your face, he came back to his senses. Releasing him was avoided.

Renji never planned on staying the night, much less sleeping right behind you. After all, it was not only a risk you took but also a risk he took. Although he got better at controlling him, he was far from perfect at it. You were the reason he stayed. Especially your teary eyes as you begged him to stay after reading through those condolence cards. Even after all these years, you were his weakness. Seeing you cry made his heart ache further.

And that's why he stayed and signed up for a rather sleepless night. That way he could make sure he wouldn't lose control. Renji knew that if Ren would break free right as he was with you, he could cause tremendous damage. Damage that would only cause unnecessary issues later on.

While you usually wouldn't have dared to sleep beside him, it was one of the most comforting things for you in that moment. His warmth, his smell, his arms, his body. Those were all comforting you for years. They were still what you associated with your safe haven. And that was the reason why you didn't panic - you associated him with something positive. For once, all his negative aspects were overshadowed by his positive ones. Because you were craving for him. Craving a tiny bit of normality and a huge chunk of love.

Koutarou stayed up all night, ensuring Renji wouldn't be able to hurt you. He wanted to keep his promise on protecting you, even though you chose against being with him and now chose Renji over him again. There's no denying that it bothered him. He didn't understand how you could still choose Renji. Little did he know that you didn't understand it either. Much less Renji. It didn't make sense to anyone.

During the next morning, your medication finally took action. While you felt beyond drained, completely powerless, you still felt better than before. It wasn't all good, you were still grieving, but your head felt less clouded. Less self-hatred, self-pity, less worries, less what-ifs. But your son never left your thoughts. After waking up beside Renji, you found yourself stuck in the same routine you always followed with Ryuu; preparing a tiny bit of food for him, brewing coffee, cleaning the high chair for him. You didn't even realize that what you were doing was wrong. The moment you noticed something was off was when you walked into Ryuu's room. That's when it all crashed down once again. This time Koutarou was the one to comfort her.