Traitor (Renji Yomo x Reader) [Continued in a second book!]

Long Overdue

After 45 hours of worrying about your beloved boyfriend, he returned. As happy as you were, it soon faded when he announced he needed more time, that he wasn't coming to stay. Disappointed as you undoubtedly were, you didn't stop him. If he needed more alone time before returning to you, you were willing to allow it. After all, you hoped it'd benefit your relationship in the long run. But when he hadn't returned even a week later, you started believing the worst. As much as you wanted to go look for him, you simply believed he needed more time and that he'd return once he was ready. You blamed yourself for this and didn't want to pressure him anyhow for that would only drive him further away from you. However, you couldn't help but feel like you were about to lose him for good. Which was stressing you out. That was absolutely the last thing you wanted - especially now that you were definitely pregnant. Not once did you consider that, perhaps, you two weren't meant to be, that it was better to be without him.

Speaking about being pregnant: the symptoms were still kicking into your guts. The nausea was just as intense as your back pain and the swelling of your legs kept getting worse, too. This time around, the pregnancy really wasn't easy on you. You were kept you up all night and prevented from sleeping throughout the day as nausea constantly struck. Finishing your daily tasks was almost impossible because of the fatigue. Your body was barely managing to function with the few minutes of sleep you got every now and then. It certainly wasn't enough. If it weren't for your anxiety, perhaps you could've gotten a few more. But it was impossible to shake all your fears and worries off. Although getting pregnant, having your own family, was your biggest dream, it was terrifying under those circumstances. You weren't ready for the little blessing growing inside of you. Especially not if you were alone in this.

Aside from the physical problems, your hormones were also running wild, leaving you as emotional as ever and full of longing for human food again. Out of all the possibilities, you wanted a big chicken burger with curly fries and a neat vanilla milkshake. Since only few people were still able to exit the hideout and only with the mission to collect flesh in mind, you knew asking someone to grab the meal for you was to no avail. No one would do it. The chance of them getting recognized as ghoul was too high and you really didn't want to be the reason for someone dying or potentially even the CCG finding this place.

Besides the human cravings, your hunger was generally harder to satisfy. While you kept your pregnancy to yourself, for now, people were growing suspicious over your flesh intake. All of it was stored in the kitchen, everyone had access to it.. So a lot of people took note of you taking more than you usually would. However, so far, no one said a thing.

You knew that in order for your little bean to grow healthily, it needed a rather stress-free environment - you weren't allowed to be stressed nearly as much as you already were. But with constant reminders of your dead child and your failing relationship clouding your mind, that was easier said than done. Most days you ended up in tears after a fit of rage. That nothing went as planned, that you couldn't even do laundry without almost passing out from exhaustion upset and frustrated you, yet saddened you greatly. It was then that you, for the first time, thought about the possibility of staying away from Renji - only to end up crying at the thought of never seeing him again. You couldn't stand the thought of breaking up, still didn't see how it could benefit you and your child. However, his abuse did run through your mind frequently, scared you. You knew if he'd get worse again, you'd have to run.

There was a lot of pressure on your shoulders now that you were expecting. It went as far as your body warning you, sending sharp pains from your abdomen. Feeling horrible about causing such distress to your child, you often apologized to it while trying you slowed down a little in an attempt to ease the pain. You knew it felt it all, could sense your stress, was suffering, too. This wasn't doing either of you any good.