Traitor (Renji Yomo x Reader) [Continued in a second book!]

Voice (Funeral 3/3)

The next morning was rather hectic. I woke up way too early. My inner clock woke me and I felt sick to the bones. The first thing I did was brewing myself a cup of coffee. Usually, that was the one thing that woke me up in the morning but today was different. I was already wide awake by the time I got out of bed. That was because it was Ryuu's funeral. The final time I'd see his tiny body and his gorgeous face. It was the final goodbye and it'd be full of obstacles and tears. There was no way I could brace myself for it. While I had enough time to shower and get ready, I couldn't quite use it. The second I sat back down on the other bed, the one Renji didn't sleep on, I felt very heavy. I turned on the TV and watched some news but really, I was overthinking. The TV was just running in the background, creating some noise while my head was full of sadness. I felt so numb. Taking my pill, getting up for another cup of coffee was incredibly difficult. So instead of getting ready, I wasted my time away sitting on the other bed, thinking about Ryuu. My heart was aching beyond compare.

Once Renji got up, he urged me to get ready. He saw how I wasn't exactly doing good and tried his best to get words out of me.. But I just.. Couldn't exactly speak. There were no words left to describe how I felt. It was a mixture of anxiety and sadness with a touch of self-hatred for not having saved him.

It was thanks to me that we were almost too late to our own son's funeral. We both wore the same clothes we did the day before. I simply didn't have another fitting dress and Renji only had one tuxedo. The only difference from yesterday was that I decided to style my hair just a little bit by putting it into a bun. For some reason, I felt like that was more appropriate.

No one picked us up this time, we had to walk over to the same venue the ceremony was held at yesterday. We'd held the same one for family only today. In a way, it was a waste of time. We were the only family he knew. Well, and Koutarou. But Kishou mentioned showing up. So basically, this was held for him - as sad as it sounds. On the other hand, that meant it wouldn't take long - but was that really something positive? Was leaving Ryuu even sooner something positive? That was a question I had no answer to. I didn't know what I wanted. I just felt empty. And with each passing second, it got worse.

As soon as we arrived back at the temple, we saw Koutarou, Chigyou and Touka stand nearby. That Touka was with them sure was a surprise, neither of us expected her. Part of me wanted to ask Renji if he told her but.. I didn't have enough power to do so. All I did was tighten my grip on Renji's hand.

"Good morning" Touka greeted us.

"Ah, hello" Chigyou proclaimed.

"Hey" Koutarou spoke softly as soon as we approached the group.

"Morning" Renji coldly replied, hinting at his sadness lightly.

"Hi" I whispered, my voice almost inaudible.

Koutarou's eyes dropped to Renji's and my hand. Then I saw him gulp. I knew it somehow bothered him.. But I couldn't quite tell why.

"Should we go inside?" Chigyou asked, giving us a warm smile.

"I think so.." Renji agreed, then glanced down at me, waiting for my answer. I just nodded, too.