Traitor (Renji Yomo x Reader) [Continued in a second book!]

No Idea

My first reaction was to stare right back into his eyes, trying hard to read his motive.. But his eyes were empty, showing almost zero emotions and feelings. Was he concerned about my wellbeing? Or.. Maybe angry? Perhaps disappointed and upset? Or sad? I couldn't tell, he was hiding it from me. So, in fear of being yelled at, I started avoiding his gaze, instead started searching for a way out of this situation.

"Why are you watching these types of videos at two in the morning?" he repeated himself, this time emphasizing it differently.

"Couldn't.. Sleep" I mumbled, still not looking at him.

"And..?" he demanded to know more.

I just shrugged.

Please not now.. Just let it be.

"I can tell that something's wrong, something's bothering you. I just want to help you" he added.

"Okay.."

"You have to speak to me, (Y/N)."

"N-no.. Not y-"

He sighed again. The sound still highly annoyed me so I stopped speaking, but I couldn't bring myself to snap at him.

"Yes. You're staying at my place, destroying my stuff when you're in a bad mood; you don't let me help you either and completely ignore me. It can't go on this way" he began scolding me, his voice barely rising, it was just enough to make me tense up.

I knew he was right, my behavior was far from okay. And if I wouldn't tell him about what was going on, he'd never understand and our relationship would even be in danger - but it was so hard, so.. Painful to recall everything.

"D-don't.. - I.." I stuttered, a lump forming in my throat making it hard to speak.

"You're living with me at my place. You continuously have completely random outbursts of anger that don't only upset me but also show on my furniture" he went on, cutting me off, "It.. Just can't go on this way."

"I'm s-sorry" I whispered, feeling even worse as I didn't know that he was actually kind of angry at me.

"No. Apologizing over and over again won't fix the stuff you broke. Remember the painting that you destroyed? Who's gonna give me a new one?" he argued, his body language revealing that he was unsatisfied with my apology, not even thinking about accepting it, instead slightly mocking it.

He was right, though. One time I got so angry at myself that I threw a cup of coffee - but instead of only leaving a stain on the wall, which I could've easily removed since it was the wall of a container, it hit the painting and tainted it in various shades of brown. Later that day he told me it was a painting one of his ancestors drew. I felt bad and tried to fix it.. But only made it worse. It's an ugly mess now. He didn't seem too angry back then - but now he was.