Traitor (Renji Yomo x Reader) [Continued in a second book!]

Apprehensions

After taking both tests, Renji and I headed back to our room - without waiting for the results. We couldn't stay in there all day and if I really was pregnant, I didn't want to find out in a public bathroom but instead at a place where I feel comfortable. That way I could cry and wouldn't have to repress my feelings.

I really wasn't ready for a pregnancy. Japan was at war, Renji and I were still rebuilding our relationship, Itori was a huge stressor.. And I had just lost my baby boy. Sure, it had been quite a few months by now but to me, it felt like yesterday when I held his dead body and tried to bring him back to life. Those wounds would never heal but maybe, someday, I would be able to go through another pregnancy without endless fears and worries. And that someday would be when I, an artificial ghoul, can get proper health care.. So definitely not anytime soon.

Renji took care of Tetsuo, changed his diapers and put him into different clothes while I sat on our bed, clutching onto the pregnancy tests and a watch. Time didn't seem to be passing by. As terrified as I was of the results, I had to see them. If I really was expecting a baby.. I'd obviously carry it to term. Aside from a risk-free abortion being impossible down here, I never considered it an option. Unlike my parents who wanted to get rid of me.

All my life, I had always wanted my own little family. So far, my wish was only granted temporarily. If it'd happen now, it sure would be a bit shocking but we would work it out. Or at least that's what I continuously tried to tell myself as I sat on our blanket. Nonetheless, a huge weight would be lifted off my shoulders if both tests would be negative. It would erase all these worries that made my heart beat so heavily.

It was fast and hard. I heard my own pulse loud and clearly, saw my heart beat through my chest. All kinds of worries were clouding my mind but the most significant one was about who'd be my child's father. The thought alone made me panic. After all, I did have a one night stand with my best friend not too long ago. So if Renji would be the father, the pregnancy would be at a very early stage. If it'd be Koutarou, I'd be quite a few weeks in, probably around one and a half months. To think that it had only been such a short time since I cheated on Renji was insane. A lot happened. Our relationship fell apart and now it seemed to be going decently again. But if I would be pregnant from my best friend.. That would surely change. It'd cause damage to our relationship, test it all over again. But right now, I couldn't tell if we were strong enough for such an impact. Perhaps it'd be irreparable damage this time around. Unfortunately, my symptoms were common for a mid first-term pregnancy.. So chances were high that this was, in fact, Koutarou's child.

And that horrified me. Internally, I began bracing for the worst.

Nonetheless, I tried to stay as calm as I could, kept taking slow, deep breaths to ease my heart. The anxiety I felt was very much present, though. These tests, these results could change my life once again. Actually, no, they would also change Renji's.. And Tetsuo's. Hell, even Itori's life would be somewhat influenced by it. And, of course, everyone involved in the planning of the raid. No matter what my role was, I'd be pulled back, they'd need a replacement for me. Just thinking about how much trouble being pregnant would cause right now stressed me out.

"Is the time up?" Renji called over while he played with his son, tiring him so he'd take a nap soon and we'd get some time for ourselves.

"S-soon" I stuttered, my voice hinting my fear.