Traitor (Renji Yomo x Reader) [Continued in a second book!]

Almost Alone

We stayed silent through the entire way home, silently appreciating each other's presence.

I managed to calm down completely while he was walking, my thoughts were still everywhere and all over the place though. He kept glancing down at me every now and then to check if I was doing okay, sometimes he even flashed a small smile - it didn't make sense to me but I enjoyed his beautiful smile. My head just kept resting against his chest, catching a glimpse of his face ever so often as we strode along the streets.

His body was like a heater, warming me tons both from the inside and outside. Being held by him made me feel tingles.. I missed him.

For some reason, he knew where I was staying at as he carried me right in front of this huge high-rise building Kishous apartment was located in.

"We're here" he declared as he gently put me down onto my feet.

"Y-yes.. Thank you for.. T-taking me home" I said as I straightened my clothes out.

"No need to thank me. It's the least I could do.. After everything.." he replied, his voice steadily decreasing.

Once my clothes were in place again, I lifted my head up to look at him and our eyes met right away.

Since it was quite bright - compared to the park - right here, I could finally see all his features.

His cheekbones and his jawline were a little more prominent.

The small beard growing on his chin was quite new as well - while yes, sometimes he let parts of his beard grow for a day or two, a week at most, he never actually kept it for too long. His gray hair got a little longer as well, not much changed, though.

Slight signs of aging were showing as well; he had small wrinkles around his eyes, nothing dramatic but a small detail I didn't miss out on.

While I quietly took in his little changes, he seemed to be doing the same.

We didn't speak until his eyes slowly slid down towards my bump.

"Is this really what you want?" he mumbled as he furrowed his brows.

At first, he didn't dare to look into my eyes but after a longer silence, no response from me, he lifted his eyes up to mine.

Truth is, I didn't know if I really wanted this. It was my task, my order.. My way to freedom.

I just didn't know what to tell him without spilling all my problems out to him .

"I'm sure you'll be a good mother" he broke the silence with a half hearted smile.

To me, it sounded and looked like he was hiding a touch of sadness.

A good mother.. -no..

The sadness in his voice made me weaker.. I didn't want him to be sad - and it still didn't make sense to me either.

I won't be it's mother..

His eyes left mine and he carefully passed me.

"I should go home, it's late - you need to sleep"

Instead of speaking I just watched him, he waved and then turned his back on me.

"Is this goodbye?" I whispered very quietly.

He immediately stopped in his tracks and turned his head towards me, surprising me as it seemed that he had heard me.

Did he hear my words? Does he have anything t say?

But then he continued moving forward, away from me.

No..no.. he didn't

As I watched him leave I started feeling even sadder.

How could he just leave me standing here..

How could he just say that without any explanation..

Wait, does he believe that I want this kid? Can't he see through me?

This is so wrong..

Will he leave for good if I don't go after him now?

I can't risk losing him.

I need him in my life.

Despite him hurting me before, I couldn't let him go - he still felt like a soul mate.. Like someone I spent so much time with and went through so much with that I couldn't let go of them. Someone that held my heart.

He was almost taking a turn when I began running towards him.

"Renji, Renji wait!" I yelled, making sure he'd stop.. - and he did.

His head calmly turned towards me, quite expressionless yet hinting his sadness.

As soon as I reached him he furrowed his brows again with a confused expression written all over his face - he didn't expect me to run after him.

"Please.. Come inside. I.. need to talk to you" I blurted out.

This time he stayed silent.

Oh god.. He's going to reject it..

"My brother isn't home - we'd be alone.. And it's so cold outside.. - I.. I just need to talk to you" I added, trying hard to sound convincing enough.

A sigh left his mouth.

Does he not want to talk to me..after all this time?

Biting my lip hard we stared at eachother for another few seconds before he nodded.

"Okay, I.. I think that's a good idea"

Feeling some weight being lifted off of my heart I smiled a little to show him my appreciation.

Somehow he's distant.. But caring. Maybe he's having doubts or.. Blaming himself.. Leading to him deciding that I deserve better.

If that's the case I .. I need to prove him wrong.

We.. We've been through too much to just.. forget about each other.

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