Traitor (Renji Yomo x Reader) [Continued in a second book!]

Divided

(Your POV)

Anger, frustration, guilt, disappointment, fear and sadness all came crashing down on me. The second I realized he was entering the room, I felt guilty. Once again I lost control of myself, of my emotions. I didn't even mean to destroy his mirror.. It just happened. I didn't even notice that I cut myself until blood ran down my face. And I don't even know how I fractured my fingers but they suddenly started hurting and now I couldn't bend them back anymore. At least it relieved my anger. It washed away in seconds -.. only to return as soon as I realized that I actually broke the mirror.

He's going to blame me again..

I knew that I couldn't hear him yell at me again, not right now - not when I was already at rock bottom.

"Wha-.. why did you-..?!" he started stuttering, sounding both in shock and unsure of how to approach me.

"I'm s-sorry.. I'll.. Pay you back somehow" I simply said, wanting to end this conversation as soon as it started and knowing he wouldn't care about my well-being as much as his objects.

"You don't have any money" he murmured as he looked around for something, "..So stop saying things like that"

There it was again, the hidden-anger-voice.. but I decided to let it slip. He took a smaller towel and started rubbing the blood off my face gently. Every now and then his fingertips brushed against my skin softly. The slight touch both send shivers down my spine and tingles to my stomach. It was messing me up. One half of me wanted him to touch me while my other half didn't want that at all - especially after he almost hit me. I actually didn't even want to talk to him.. But I knew I had to now that he was here.

Is he actually caring or only doing this because he feels like he has to - like it's his duty?

Shit.. I'm probably seeming so helpless again..

Just as I was about to take over the towel, already having reached out for it, he shot me a sharp glance.

"No.. Let me do it" he mumbled as his eyes scanned my face.

I felt like a little kid that had to be helped. It was not a nice feeling considering he just yelled at me because of my helplessness. Besides that I also didn't want him to see me as a kid he had to take care of.

"I can do it, too" I proclaimed, probably sounding really pathetic.

"No, you can't" he disagreed after he sighed.

"Yes I can"

This conversation sounded just as childish as he made me feel.

"How are you going to do it when you smashed the only mirror I currently own? You can't see all the shards in your face and the blood that's literally everywhere.. Just let me do it" he argued.

He was right, but I felt like a little kid for not being able to help myself. To not end up arguing any further, I decided to keep quiet and let him fix me up. That was until he started pulling out various shards without any warning. As I flinched from the sudden action he bit his lip hard and closed his eyes for a few seconds - like he was trying to stay calm. I didn't even dare to make a sound, fearing that he'd burst again.