Traitor (Renji Yomo x Reader) [Continued in a second book!]

Aftermath

Your entire way home was quiet. Neither of you dared to say a word. Koutarou feared to say the wrong words and you.. You simply had no words to say. Every family and especially the mothers carrying or pushing infants in their strollers broke your heart a little more. Eventually, it just felt numb. Sometimes your body just stopped, grew too weak to move on, so Koutarou had to tug on your arm and even wrap one of his around your waist to hold you up.

With each step closer to Koutarou's house, your heart became heavier and heavier. Once you found yourself in front of it, you fought your tears again. But as you entered, it was all over. His scent. His toys. His clothes. His room. His nursery. The endless silence. The condolence cards. Although Koutarou tried his best to collect all Ryuu's belongings, you still managed to stumble over some. He even put clean sheets on your bed but you still couldn't sit down on it. Couldn't even bear to be in your own bedroom. It was where your son died. Every moment in there made you feel more like you were about to choke. Memories were everywhere, lurking around every corner. You felt sick. Sick from all the crying but also sick from all the pain. Of course, your thoughts were anything but bright. Without medication and in your current situation, they were just as bad as they were before you got help.

Koutarou didn't know what to do. Part of him was grieving, too. After all, Ryuu called him his father before. He definitely had a connection to the now-dead infant. But he wasn't nearly as sad as you or Renji were. He was okay. And all he wanted was for you to stop crying. He wanted you to feel better. But there was nothing cheering you up, nothing lifting your mood and absolutely nothing stopping your tears. If they stopped, it was because you were too exhausted to continue crying and simply passed out. Even though it was to no avail, he tried his best to pamper you.

Meanwhile, Renji was lost. Constantly torn between and everlasting sadness and an uprising anger. Sometimes his second personality took over and he ended up trashing his entire place, full on blaming you for everything. For the first time in a while, he had zero control over it. He came out whenever he wanted to. Fortunately, it was only ever for a short period of time and he never left the house - nor did he attempt to contact you. To get rid of his anger, he trained harder.

Koutarou managed to handle a day of your crying at his place until he decided it was time to bring the past lovers and parents of Ryuu together. Of course, Renji accepted - even tried to sound happy, but failed. He was just as monotone as he used to be when you first met. He hid his sadness by building up walls.

The moment Koutarou let you know that Renji was coming over, all you did was growl and whine into the pillow on the couch. Since you refused to sleep in your bed, the only room left to sleep in was the living room.

♦♦♦

If I would've checked on him.. If only I would've stayed up all night watching some series.. I could've saved him.

The ringing of our doorbell pulled me out of my thoughts. I couldn't help but sigh. This was a situation I never prepared myself for. Back when I lost Auria, I was alone. No one felt the pain I felt. It was no one's daughter but mine. Her father probably didn't even know of her existence. But now a little, living being that roamed around the house and tried to have a conversation with any- and everyone, simply passed away. My beloved son that I had with the man I thought I was going to marry. And Koutarou cared for him, too. I was not alone this time. My pain was shared. But after all that happened between Renji and me.. I didn't know how to approach him. We somewhat lived together for Ryuu's sake, we took care of him, played with him - it made our bond grow stronger again. But now.. Ryuu was gone. The last thing that connected us disappeared. It'll all be over once his funeral is done.