Traitor (Renji Yomo x Reader) [Continued in a second book!]

Time Passes Me By

Three years and seven months.

Three years and seven months stuck in that place, no friends, no family - only enemies.

Three years and seven months full of torture, abuse and pain.

Life as a test subject. As a marionette.

Choices were made without my consent. Non-consensual.

Everyday was another challenge. Everyday was another battle.

A fight to survive.

It's not like I had a choice, I had to survive. They made sure I'd survive.

Not because they cared but because they wanted to destroy me.. More and more.

And they succeeded. They completely broke me. My body no longer belonged to myself, part of it belonged to Kanou, part of it was owned by ghouls.

Of course, Kanou operated with the Aogiri Tree. He knew where I was and he put me through nonstop surgeries. Unnecessary, painful surgeries. All he had in mind was to turn me into a mutant, at least that's what I like to call it. By now half of my organs were exchanged and everything hurt. 'My' body was aching. Most of the time he had to remove them again because they were killing me - and of course, he didn't want me to die.. He needed his test subject for further researches. In the end, he ended up giving me new organs whenever others failed or whenever he wanted to. His goal was to create a stronger ghoul - too bad my body was too frail.

Due to his mixture of different ghouls he used to implant into me, my RC factor was incredibly high. I should've been a very powerful ghoul but my body didn't let that happen, the only ghoul feature I had was healing. Over these years my healing started speeding up rapidly.

Kanou himself had no answer to that, which meant more tests, more torture. The last thing he did to me was a lobotomy. He performed a lobotomy on me to test if my brain would restore but I believe he just wanted to numb me.

That was the day I stopped living. Words or sounds never left my mouth again. Emotions, feelings were nonexistent. The pain was gone. I was no longer connected to.. Myself.

No, my brain did not restore. And it was a success to him and everyone else.

Finally, he would have a numb patient and the ghouls would finally have an actual doll.

It felt like a nightmare I was supposed to wake up from but never did. Even though I could still use my body, I no longer had the motivation to do so. All I wanted was to meet Renji again, in heaven.

At least they let me wear our promise ring, which always reminded me of our love, giving me hope when I was feeling worse than usual. That was until I grew numb, then I just kept staring at it, trying to remember the memories we made.

They never forced me to forget him, instead, they kept making fun of me before I forgot how to live because I kept crying over him. They didn't want me to forget, threatening to take the ring away if I wouldn't follow their orders.

Now I could no longer shed a single tear. I didn't feel a thing anymore. Living felt so wrong. All I did was waste my time away, waiting to die. Days felt like years without having a lot of thoughts on your mind.

As Kanou told me he had one last order for me, one last task I had to fulfill before I'd be let free, I felt.. no, I didn't feel anything but if I had felt something it would've been hope.

He said I'd have to deliver a child and that I was already pregnant. Bad news, I guess. But it meant I'd be free soon.. Which meant I could die soon. I mean, I didn't feel like dying, as I felt nothing, but I didn't care about my life anymore. The old me would've complained, done everything to kill the being inside of her but the new 'me' didn't care. I couldn't complain anyway. Words wouldn't have left my mouth.

In order for me to have a peaceful pregnancy, I was allowed to live with my brother, Kishou. He let me move in right away and from that day on, he started caring for me, protecting me from the world I was no longer meant to be part of. The world that I lost connection to.

Three years and seven months living with the Aogiri Tree were over.

Three years and seven months full of surgeries were over.

Three years and seven months of being a slave were over.

But three years and seven months completely destroyed me.

•••

A/N: Idiot me forgot to give it a title.. ayee it's too late, I should go to sleep xD