Traitor (Renji Yomo x Reader) [Continued in a second book!]

Realization

There was no collecting my thoughts, there was no calming down.

Instead, to make it worse, my entire body started feeling like it was set on fire from within.

My skin turned red in some areas to the point it started burning and itching at the same time.

To add to it my cheek started swelling a bit, creating more pain that I wish I didn't feel.

Everything was once again overwhelming me.

Everything just felt too real when I really wanted it to be a nightmare I'd wake up from any minute. Nothing felt right, everything felt wrong.

This was something I couldn't deal with on my own and I knew it.

No matter how hard I tried to conquer this alone, my feelings just kept crashing down on me, putting weight on my shoulders and making my heart feel heavier than ever.

I was not ready for any of this.

A sudden knock on the front door threw me out of my thoughts, instead making me worry about the way I was looking, worrying about someone finding out that I've been crying.

After all, it could've been a neighbour. A neighbour that would end up suspicious - something I couldn't risk.

Immediately after getting up I started looking for something to wipe my face off with as I made my way to the door.

In the end I used my sleeve as I saw nothing.

Then I took a deep breath as I reached out for the door knob.

♦♦♦

Lifting my sight from the ground, I saw a hooded Renji standing in front of me, his gray orbs staring at me with worry.

Renji..

I was so glad to see him, yet so scared of breaking down in front of him.

"You called me a while ago but never replied"

Called him?

Thinking back I realized that I tried to call Kishou before Kanou forced me onto the couch.

I must've clicked on his name on accident while trying to dial Kishous number..

"I heard Kanous voice and then you seemed to fight. I took that as a sign to come over"

So he listened to our conversation..

After inspecting my face, his hand cupped my cheek softly and carefully. Even though he was being careful, I flinched slightly - the contact hurt.. The bruise hurt.

My sight dropped back to the floor in shame. Again I couldn't protect myself..

"I'm sorry" I replied, trying hard to keep my voice from cracking.

He started frowning deeply and shook his head, a second later his arms wrapped around me and he pulled me into a gentle but firm hug against his chest, comforting, yet tearing me apart.

Feeling my wall, my strength, crumble to dust, tears slid down my face and into Renji's jacket while I started sobbing. My hands started clutching onto it, slightly pulling to release my frustration, my anger, my sadness and to let him know that I needed him.