Traitor (Renji Yomo x Reader) [Continued in a second book!]

Hormones and Vicious Cycles

Much to my surprise, he didn't ask any further questions regarding a test with weeks. Judging by how he continuously started talking about how much he was already looking forward to spending time with our baby, he had no idea that this could all be taken from him again. Knowing that it would be entirely my fault hurt, stressed me - but I had no right to complain. The baby and Renji were the only ones completely involved in this - they'd be negatively affected. I.. I would only lose what I couldn't treasure enough: my boyfriend.

In those 96 hours before he brought the test, Renji worshipped me. He didn't let go of me, always either hugged me or at least held my hand. He was very touchy - in a loving way. When I expressed hunger, he ended up cooking for us. When sickness struck again, he helped me, massaged my back if it hurt. When Tetsuo was at Itori's place, we took a relaxing bath together. Renji even took the following day off simply to spend time with me. Hell, he did laundry with me - something he never does. Unlike during my last pregnancy, he wouldn't let me do anything that could hurt our baby in the slightest, did all of those tasks for me instead.

It seemed like he sincerely wanted to spend time with me. But most of all he was full of smiles. While I still wasn't too fond of being pregnant, Renji was. He was head over heels, seemed so overjoyed. I honestly hadn't seen him smile so often in a while. And he started making jokes - something he rarely ever did.

If this would be his kid, I was positive that we would find the happiness we always longed for. However, if it wasn't, I had no idea how we would go on. Just imagining his face falling after finding out that this wasn't his kid broke my heart as it surely would break his. He deserved happiness - we did.

It was hard to conceal all the worries in my head, Renji noticed right away but playing them down was even worse. All I could tell him was that I didn't know how my pregnancy would go considering all the current happenings all over Japan. But we had been dating for such a long time, he could tell there was more.. And that I was hiding it from him. Luckily, he was rather considerate of my wish of not telling him, though. He didn't pressure me nor get angry anyhow. We really just spent peaceful time together and cuddled some. And, oh my, did I need those cuddles.

Being sick on top of all these worries was only making my general health decrease. I was exhausted from the lack of hydration caused from all the throwing up, so I slept as much as I could - but in Renji's embrace. This security, feeling of being cherished was so nice and exactly what I needed. In an attempt to brace myself for the worst, I took it all in. Each and every second. God knows how long I'll get to enjoy this.

The only time he left my side was to pick up the test. Those moments I spent playing with Tetsuo. After all, I would lose him too, if this kid would be Koutarou's.. And I really didn't want to lose this little man. Although he wasn't my own child, I had this connection with him that we built over the past weeks. If it weren't for Itori, I'd adopt him. Anytime. He was a beautiful sweetheart. Sometimes I feared Tetsuo would get as sick as Ryuu did.. But then I remembered that the chances were beyond low considering he wasn't my own son. I still felt bad for comparing him to Ryuu. Those two babies were incomparable, both incredibly cute and surprisingly big for their age. I loved both of them.

Once Renji had returned with two tests, he was eager to make me take them. Not in a flat out pressuring way, he tried to be nice about it and excite me for the results. Little did he know that I was insanely anxious about them. Seeing them almost made me throw up on the spot. The tension present within me was hard to handle. Part of me wanted to break the tests, regretted asking Renji for them and part of me was secretly looking forward to the results. After all, it was good to know how far ahead I was. My fear was overshadowing it, though.