Traitor (Renji Yomo x Reader) [Continued in a second book!]

Breathtaking

After Renji left, I decided to take a few minutes for myself. I had to reconsider everything: him, my future, our son's future. If he really was with Itori, that meant he didn't care about me. He didn't care about how she tried to kill me. Or at least it didn't bother him enough to stop himself from screwing her. And knowing he moved on so quickly was a slap in the face, too. It made all his complaints about her sound like lies. He just left me broken and scarred with our son. But that wasn't the only problem; he continuously talked me down, got angry and lost his respect for me. It hadn't happened in a while but the fact that he still harbored those thoughts about me said it all.

Needlessly to say, it all made me feel worse. The day that started off so casually turned into one of my bad, depressive ones.

It wasn't like I cried a lot, I only shared a few tears. It was more of an empty feeling creeping up within me. The stranger's heart that was still beating in my chest felt heavy. Although it felt light as I held my son for the first time, it now felt heavier than ever. It took my hunger, my pain and even my emotions. I simply wanted this all to end. No more fights, no more trouble, no more problems - but of course that wouldn't happen.

Our relationship was so.. Dysfunctional. It always hinted abuse. But I ignored it. The positives overshadowed it.. And I kept crawling back to him.. Because I loved him.

The realization hurt. It made me feel like I shouldn't have been born, that I was a mistake, an accident. Someone that couldn't even be loved by his own parents. Recalling my life, my accomplishments were even worse.

My first kiss.. My innocence.. Stolen. My dignity and my pride.. Torn down. My heart.. Taken and then ripped to shreds. I spent my entire life surviving abuse. And I have a wonderful son.. With the one that broke me. I never succeeded at anything. Wasn't I supposed to make my parents proud? The parents that yelled at me.. And hit me. God.

Sighing, I put my head in my hands. Nothing made sense, not even my existence did.

The night they left for something fancy and I put on makeup, upset my parents with it and had to stay home.. Marta beat me up. I was full of bruises, they were all over my body. Why didn't they care? Why did they believe I was clumsy and stupid, falling down the stairs at least once a week? If they had paid attention to the details, we could've been saved! They could've changed my siblings fate, their fate.. And mine.

"Fuck!" I proclaimed as I hit the table in frustration because I didn't mean to overthink, didn't mean to sink back into this pattern that reoccurred on my bad days.

"(Y/N)? Are you okay?" Koutarou asked, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest.

Looking up at him, I frowned. That was all it took for him to understand that I wasn't okay at all. Before he said another word, he slowly walked into the room and over towards me. He made sure to be slow so in case I'd want him to leave, I could let him know - but I was actually very glad to see him. I knew he could lift my mood.

"What happened?" he wondered as he sat down on the chair Renji sat on a few minutes ago.

"He was angry.. We just argued about the usual stuff" I explained, leaning back into my wheelchair after sighing again.