Traitor (Renji Yomo x Reader) [Continued in a second book!]

Drugs

(Your POV)

What was a simple week suddenly turned into a month, or so I thought, thanks to my clock breaking. After a few days of subconsciously counting minutes and hours passing by, I lost count and now every day felt like an eternity. I totally lost track of daytimes and slept whenever I wanted to, not when it was supposed to be night. Which resulted in angry employees and then an angry, grumpy me. Even though sleeping sounded like a good option at first, I soon started being haunted by nightmares of various things. While I never had a sleepless "night", I tended to have a very restless sleep, usually tiring and upsetting me more than helping me. At least they - so far - never performed anything too painful on me, the tests were usually simple and boring, not challenging at all. Perhaps I was just used to a worse treatment.. Or forgot the worse ones.

It became easier to suppress my thoughts and emotions every day, probably due to the drugs I was receiving because of my behavior. I liked them. They were very helpful, making me forget everything whenever they were injected - even most tests they performed on me. Too bad the effect only lasted for a bit - those minutes usually rushed by, while it always felt like an eternity when I was clean. I preferred being drugged to being clean, it made everything so much easier. That I started craving the drugs and acted like a rebellious teenager just to get to them, was something no one noticed. They just kept injecting it into my system to shut me up.

Most days passed by in a blur. Once I came down from my high, I fell asleep, woke up every now and then from nightmares or just because I was not tired anymore, then I decided to get up to do the necessities such as drinking water and maybe eat if they let me, followed by another round of sleeping until they'd wake me up a bit later for tests and then the cycle repeat itself. Over and over again.

Though it's been - according to my guts - a month since I lost my daughter, the scar still hadn't healed properly and my barcode tattoo hadn't either. Sometimes both still ached, resulting in painful memories of all sorts and cries for my drug. I was in complete outrage whenever something managed to disturb my process of simply forgetting, of simply growing cold, to the point that I started battering my room's walls with my nails and smacking my own head against the wall. Sometimes they then gave me an extra shot of my beloved drug - which was exactly what I wanted. That I tore off some of my own nails and caused a huge bump on my forehead in the process was completely ignored by both myself and every employee or doctor. At least that gave me a reason to freak out when doctors made fun of it - which again resulted in my drug. I was completely abusing the drugs they gave me, manipulating them into giving me more shots whenever I could, thinking that I had nothing to lose and that they'd help me forget.

Was it wrong? Yeah. Would I do it again? Probably. Did I regret it? Not at all. And why did I like them? They numbed the pain inside my body, my brain and my heart - basically my entire self.

Little did I know, that today was going to be the worst day in a while.

♦♦♦

"Urgh.. Renji.. Save me.." I whispered in my tormenting sleep.

Being haunted by another nightmare, I sat up straight in my bed with my eyes wide open. My breathing was hard and my heart was racing. Once again, I dreamed a stranger forcing me into a sexual act. This time it was even more graphic, even clearer, even more painful to endure. And I felt it. It was like an uncontrollable lucid dream.

Shit.. Why!

Memories of all these bastards immediately flooded my mind, making me frown as my stomach twisted.