Traitor (Renji Yomo x Reader) [Continued in a second book!]

Needs

It's been about an hour since we spoke about his wine drinking behaviour, until now we only held each other, enjoying our near.

As time went on Renji completely relaxed again, he probably felt exposed & embarrassed because I figured out that he used it to cope but didn't want me to know.

Noticing how uncomfortable he felt when I mentioned it made me realize that we'd probably never speak about it again. I could tell it was something he didn't want anyone to know about and something he wanted to deal with on his own.

"Don't you think we should start our christmas preparations soon?" Renji suddenly suggested, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"You're right.. If we wait too much longer we might not find any nice decorations"

"Then how about getting ready and going to a nearby store and buying some things?"

"Yeah, that sounds nice"

The thought of buying Christmas decorations was a little exciting to me but at the same time I was absolutely not in the mood for anything Christmas related. This would be the first time in a while that I got to celebrate it but I just didn't feel like celebrating at all.

It felt like just another normal day when it really should be a somewhat special one.

For some reason, my excitement was lacking entirely but I hoped it'd appear once we'd buy our first decorations or even get a Christmas tree.

"Knowing you're still a little weak, I'd love to be able to buy everything alone and return with a lot of nice things.. But since I never celebrated Christmas before, I have absolutely no clue what we need..or how you'd like to celebrate" Renji mumbled, "And I also don't want to leave you alone right now."

"Awh, it's fine. I used to love shopping for Christmas stuff. The stores usually smelled of cinnamon and happy love songs were playing on the radio~. And let's not forget about the amazing Christmas markets - those were a lot of fun when I was younger" I shared with a smile all over my face.

Good old memories..

Back when no one could disturb our happy, little family.. - I think.

It's been so long.. I can't believe it.

Remembering my family still made me get quite emotional. I had so many mixed feelings and thoughts about them, I really didn't know how to feel.

"Christmas markets? You.. you mean winter markets, right?"

"Well, I guess they sort of carry both names. To some it's just a winter market, to some it's a Christmas market. Nonetheless, they're awesome" I explained, still smiling at my memories.

The merry-go-round.. It looked so cute and the horses had such lovely details..

I remember how my sister insisted on a picture being taken - I wonder where it is.. if it still exists.

Most positive memories were linked to my siblings - not my parents.

Though, back when I was younger, before my brother was born, things went kinda well with my parents too, I barely remembered that.

"Well, if you say so, how about we go visit one?"

"Yeah, that'd be great" I replied, probably sounding very uninterested - but that was only because I was not in the mood yet.

"We could go shopping for decorations in a bit and then go to a nearby Christmas market later in the evening?"

"Mmh~" I hummed in agreement as I snuggled up to him even more.

Thinking about family during Christmas made me feel a little cozy.

I always imagined it to be a holiday full of love - but I didn't have someone to share my love with on that day in over a decade.

Now I had Renji to give all my love to and I definitely wanted to as well.

"In need for some extra cuddles?" he chuckled as he placed a kiss on my hair again.

"Mmmh~" I hummed as I completely buried my head in his chest.

He felt warm, he felt like home. He was my family.

How can it be that he's still sticking with me..

How come I deserve someone so caring.

He's even adjusting and changing his entire life for me..

Remembering our encounter yesterday due to feeling his - already somewhat faded - scar, it started to embarrass me - especially after he still called me beautiful when he was drunk, because there's this saying that little kids and drunk people always tell the truth.

By now it felt like I just had a bad day - sure, I still had my doubts but it was not even nearly as bad as yesterday.

"Good, 'cause I could use some too" he whispered.

Hearing him say those words made my cheeks heat up and I wrapped one of my legs around his' to pull us even closer.

In return, he used one of his hands to gently rub my back - which was very nice because it still hurt.. I just got used to the pain, so I decided not to complain about it so he wouldn't worry.

Moments like this made me realize how lucky I was to have him.

Cuddling was something I barely ever experienced before I met him.

The only cuddles I got were by my sister or my parents.. Or by disgusting beings that I didn't want to touch me.

But he was different, he made me feel loved and protected - like nothing could tear us apart.

No words were needed in moments like this, he knew how I felt and I knew how he felt.   

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A/N: I apologize if it seems short but I assume this will be length for chapters if I update daily. By the way, if things go well (pls just this once ;_;) I'll be able to start the test week for updating daily tomorrow. That would mean you'll get new chapters until next week Saturday ^^

I'll try hard! ^.^