Traitor (Renji Yomo x Reader) [Continued in a second book!]

If Someone Would Listen

After at least another hour passed by, I felt like my body was about to collapse. There was so unbelievably much tension built up inside of me. No matter how hard I tried to unclench my fists and actually take a deep breath, I couldn't. All the hands that had dared to touch me.. I felt them. Hundreds of handprints were burning on my skin - every inch of it. No place was left untouched. I felt just like I did back then. Used and in pain. Worthless. Like a doll used for pleasure.

And on top of that, I now knew I wasn't ever supposed to live either. I was a mistake that was never meant to live. A slip up from some doctor. Someone that was supposed to be aborted.

Just when I was about to cry from being so tensed up - my muscles were cramping badly - our door opened again. While I exhaled sharply, feared it might be Renji returning with more anger that I seriously didn't need right now, it was actually Koutarou.

"Are you okay?.. Renji's been cursing around through the corridors.. So I figu-" he started to explain.

The second I saw his sincere expression, one full of worry and care, I started tearing up again. My boyfriend didn't dare to ask me how I was doing, my best friend was. Without having to say another word, Koutarou walked over to me, crouched down in front of me and very carefully put his hands on my knees. Just that slight touch made my body quiver.

"What happened?" he wondered, quickly retracting his hands while he stared into my teary eyes, "Did he hurt you?"

Unable to speak, I just shook my head. Could he see the emptiness in my eyes? Could he tell how broken I currently was? Could be pick up the pieces and make it all better? Yes. Yes. And yes. Judging by the way he bit his lip as a gentle frown started showing on his forehead, he knew that something was very off.

"Can you just hold me for a while?" I managed to say aloud, my voice dry and rough - I hadn't taken a single sip of water in ages.

Confused by my suggestion, he still nodded and quickly got back up on his legs. While he held out his hands for me to take, I sobbed once again. All my muscles were begging for relief, aching so badly from all the tension but I couldn't find a way to calm down.. - not when the fear of someone down here wanting to take advantage of me was lingering. That someone certainly had very specific information about me really bothered me, too.

Koutarou was, unlike Renji, someone I could trust my life to. He never once hurt me, always considered my past experiences and was very careful not to cause any distress to me. There was no reason for me to panic when I was near him. Nonetheless, my body was alerted, in full panic and fight or fly mode.

With shaky legs, I slowly got up. For a few moments it seemed to be going well, I could hold myself up. But just when I was about to hug Koutarou, my legs gave out and I almost sunk to the ground. Koutarou was quick to react, wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me against his body. He meant no harm - I was well aware of that - but my trembling still got worse. Even my breathing picked up. I couldn't stand feeling someone's body against mine.. Yet I knew I needed some kind of hug to calm down.

Unsure of what to do, Koutarou's eyes roamed through the room, he even glanced down at his hands and my face. He was totally clueless about how to better my condition, was worried he was worsening it right now and apparently contemplated what to do next.