Traitor (Renji Yomo x Reader) [Continued in a second book!]

Teddy Bear

"It's okay" I replied, denying his help while forcing a smile.

Renji frowned lightly as he patted the spot beside him. Judging by how his eyes softened, he could tell that I was trying to avoid worrying him. After all, he was still not in the best shape, I didn't want to be a burden. But I knew, sooner or later I'd have to speak to him; there was still so much we had to talk about.

From almost trivial things such as our medication to all the questions I had about this place, to Kishou's and Kanou's death, Touka's secret, the current state of Japan and last but not least, to our relationship and future. Nothing was certain anymore. And with each passing day, I felt more delusional, losing myself to another dark abyss. My very small plan of leaving Japan was still swarming around my head. I wanted to leave it all behind, wanted to start over - but I wanted to be with Renji, too. And I wanted to be near Ryuu's grave. My thoughts simply didn't make sense anymore, they further confused me. Once again, I was taking steps back instead of walking ahead.

Following his gesture, I sat down beside him. He immediately took one of my hands in his, holding it gently.

"Nothing's okay.." he whispered, running his fingers over the back of my hand.

Although his hands were still rather rough, feeling them on my skin still felt good. Or, well, by now, it felt good again. Right after Ren took so much from me and after I woke up from my coma, I couldn't stand his touch. But now that we lost Ryuu, now that we were both vulnerable, grieving, it felt good. Even after Ryuu's diagnose, his touches began to feel.. Less threatening. Right now, I'd go as far as to say I long for it. It reassured and calmed my senses.

"I'm glad you're awake, I was worried about you" I spoke softly, still trying to hold up my fake smile - even though I really was happy about him being awake.

"I appreciate your effort at.. Holding up a façade for me. But I see you're struggling" he murmured, looking at the floor in front of us, unable to look at my pretending happy face.

Sighing, I nodded, my sight dropping to the floor as well.

When will I ever learn that lying to him is useless.. He sees right through it.

"I think.. I just need my medication. I'm overthinking and it's confusing me" I admitted, brushing some of my hair behind my ear.

"You can take some of mine.. It's in my room or.. Cell" he informed me, shifting his gaze towards me.

"Th-that's the next point.. Why do you even have a room down here? I thought you live in your.. Container?" I asked, sucking my bottom lip into my mouth, turning my head to meet his gaze.

"Right.. I never told you.. But :re was attacked from the CCG. In the middle of the night - no customers were there, Touka wasn't either. I was alone. Luckily, we didn't have any fresh meat stored that night or I would've been a dead man. I managed to sneak out through the backdoor, they were following me for a bit but I got away without a fight. It wasn't fully destroyed like Anteiku.. But Touka and I chose to call it quits for the sake of our employees and all the people we were helping. We cleaned up and sold it. That way, no one got hurt. Kaneki, maybe you've already met him, was the one who started Goat. One day he visited us after work, our old friends from Anteiku showed up soon after. He proposed the idea of starting Goat. After explaining his idea, we all approved. Him showing up at :re was perhaps the reason the CCG started suspecting us. But.. Uh.. I'm still surprised about none of Chigyou's employees ratting us out... Anyway, this is Goat's base. It's huge and .. Honestly, it was never meant to be this big. It's sort of an underground city. But judging by how many ghouls and even humans joined us, this size might even be too small. We mainly provide shelter for ghouls but half-ghouls or half-humans are also very welcome - even humans if they plan on supporting us. Now why do I have a cell down here? Because, since I'm a member, I was provided shelter.. Although, I didn't necessarily need it. Until now. I already heard that Japan is at war right now, so I'm glad to be down here.. With you" he explained, squeezing my hand lightly, "I still have the keys to my container and I sometimes stayed at it but as of lately, I've been spending most time down here."