Traitor (Renji Yomo x Reader) [Continued in a second book!]

(Y)Ours

(Your POV)

"Ren-chan~ it's getting late, we've been at this for hours, do you think you'll be fine from now on? The bar will open up soon and I have to be there on time" the female nagged, sounding annoyed from all the fighting.

"I agree, I have some masks to finish" the male added blandly.

A bar.. And masks? Sounds.. Like I should know these people..

The sound of their voices, the way they spoke and the details they shared all sounded familiar to me but I just couldn't put it together. My mind just didn't want to function right now.

After sighing, Renji murmured a simple yes. No thank-yous, no good-byes - just a plain yes and they were gone. All I heard was the female giggling as they left.

Who were those people.. I could swear I know them.. Fuck..

"Don't worry, we'll be home really soon" Renji spoke softly as he slowed down his pace, "Just a few more minutes"

Home.. What a beautiful word to hear.

The thought of being taken home, to a safe place, made me smile. Though I never felt too unsafe at Kishou's place, I was always at risk to be hurt by Kanou - which would be gone now and that alone was enough to lift my mood tremendously.

"Your place?" I asked, just to ensure that he was really not taking me back to Kishou's place.

"Yes - our place" he confirmed and corrected.

Our place.. An indirect way of him saying that he wants me to stay with him and perhaps more.. - Hopefully more.

To show my gratitude, I hugged him tightly and nuzzled my face in his neck. He needed to know that I appreciated him more than anything in this world and that none of the things he did for me were taken for granted, cuddling up to him was just one of the little things I tried to make him feel more appreciated. I knew I'd have to tell him though - just as much as I'd have to share my feelings for him.

While we walked through some dark alleyways, I slowly grew tired, the only thing keeping me awake was my pain that just didn't want to fade. At least my mind slowly cleared up and the effect of the drugs completely wore off. I was almost sober by now. Walking probably wouldn't be a problem anymore.. If only my sight would be good enough.

"We're home" Renji mumbled into my hair as he opened a metal door which creaked loudly - the door leading to his place.

"Still living in that container?" I teased, recognizing the sound.

"Indeed" he replied as he entered his place with me in his arms.

"That's nice" I smiled.

Even though everything started in this place, both negative and positive aspects, I felt like I was home.

This is where I found out about everything.. Where we fought about alcohol or some tiny things.. Where we first kissed after my amnesia... This is where we fell in love - again.

Everything smelled just the same - clean yet clearly covered with smells I related to him. It was beautiful.

"I suggest you take a .. Urgh.. Short nap" Renji suggested, groaning in pain midway through.

"What's wrong?" I asked right away.

"N-nothing.. It..- don't worry. J-just a scratch" he replied quietly, his voice breaking every now and then as he put me down on a soft fabric, probably his bed.

Somehow he suddenly sounded weak; his voice was barely audible and he seemed to be in need for water as his voice dried out.

Just a scratch..? Did he get injured..!?

"Can I help you?" I quickly asked as his hands moved away from mine, he was ready to turn around but I reached out for him.

"No.. Uh.. I.. I'll be r-right back, okay?" he asked softly, obviously trying to hide the pain in his voice, as he leaned towards me, taking my hands and gently intertwining them while he probably gazed into my eyes.

"O-okay.. Call me if you need anything"

"Of course" he mumbled.

My eyes tried hard to make out any details in his face, but I couldn't. So bad I wanted to read his expression to see what was going on - or to just see his wound so I could help him. But I was useless.. There was nothing I could do. Before he slipped his hands out of mine, I squeezed them to let him know that I cared.

God.. He's doing so much for me.. And I can't even show my appreciation properly.. I can't even help him right now - and that's my fault too.. I'm such a burden

My emotions were welling up within. One second I was happy, next second I was sad. They were truly a rollercoaster that I couldn't quite control yet. But that's how it's been the past weeks, the drugs just numbed it, turning a rollercoaster into a train with a few small bumps on the rails ..most of the time - but now they were gone entirely, which was bound to be a big challenge. There was no way I could hold up my disguise even if I wanted to - at least not right now.

"I love you" I whispered as I figured he exited the room, the sound of his footsteps continuously decreasing.

I didn't want him to hear me, I just wanted to practice saying those words. He deserved to know how I felt and I had to know if he felt the same way.

Right now, I needed him and his support more than ever. It was only a matter of time until I'd break down due to all my problems adding up, and I knew it. I was aware of my instability but I didn't and I couldn't conquer it on my own. I couldn't even control it on my own.

What if he doesn't love me back..? What if I make things weird again? Shit.. I'm probably the worst burden to him anyway.. why would he want to be with me. With someone that's a messed up, artificial ghoul that is so helpless.. she can't even defend herself. With someone so worthless and impure.. everyone else is better. With someone.. that.. didn't even notice her own baby died inside of her. Oh god.. my baby.. my precious daughter..

Feeling my emotions slowly creeping up to my eyes, creating wet trails on my cheek, I started clutching onto the bed sheets.

Too soon.. no.. I'm not ready for this.. not yet.

•••

A/N: Not sure if any of you heard about the happenings in Germany today and yesterday. Something bad happened and I didn't feel able to update. Anyway, here's the update.

Stay safe and have a nice week!

♥