In The Blink Of An Eye

Could Always Be Worse

I had to stay at the hospital for post-operative observation for 24 hours. As much as Evan wanted to stay with me, I told him to go home. I trusted Lilli being with my parents of course more than around anybody else, but I felt bad for them having to take care of her all alone. Stupid me huh? As if my parents were going to care if they had to take care of her alone for the rest of their lives not to mention it just being for one extra day.

That wasn't the sole reason, I also wanted Evan to not be stuck in this hospital room sleeping on this uncomfortable chair. He spent enough time working at the hospital, he didn't have to spend his days off work here too. After the blood transfusion was finished, Evan and my dad went home. Evan couldn't drive so my dad drove back and I stayed in the hospital for another day. Was I scared? Yes, I was. I remembered what happened last time I was alone for just a couple of hours at the hospital. But, I wasn't going to let him control any more of my life. He or them or who ever the fuck it was that kept going after me, had taken enough from me already.

As crazy as it sounds to say, I was happy to have this ectopic pregnancy. Obviously not because I was going through all this pain and suffering, but because can you imagine if I hadn't? What if the pregnancy ended up normal and I thought I was just pregnant with Evan until it was too late? Imagine being happy, expecting another baby and going through the whole pregnancy only to find out that the times didn't match up? I wouldn't have been able to just give up my child once it was born. But, how would I be able to go through life knowing who the father was? How would Evan be able to continue being with me and loving that child knowing how it came into this world?

So yes, I was pissed. I was in a lot of pain. My chances of future pregnancies were decreased by half, but... I couldn't complain. This could have gone so much worse. The last time I was at the hospital it was for 72 hours and I thought I was going to lose my mind. So when I say these five days were like a lifetime, I'm not exaggerating. Thankfully the hospital wasn't away from my parents house, so my family and Evan came to visit me regularly. Even my little princess came to visit her mama, which I was very happy about.

The day I got out of the hospital, Evan came to pick me up. I had called him and he was waiting for me in front of my hospital room with pink roses, which were my favorite. I could barely walk from the surgery, but I still managed to somehow run into his hands. Not fast, but still as fast as I could. Which to everyone else around I'm sure it looked like I was barely moving at all. Let me explain why I had to stay at the hospital for so long. First, most women who do have ectopic pregnancies don't have bleeding. They usually just find out the same way they find out about other "regular" pregnancies. The only difference being, instead of it being happy news, it ends up being sad ones.

Secondly, most women are able to treat ectopic pregnancies with medication. The medication stops cell growth and dissolves existing cells. This medication is usually given by injections, which had a high success rate of clearing out the fallopian tube without causing any form of damage to it. In majority of cases, the women who do need surgeries are those where the fallopian tube ruptured or in further along pregnancies. However, mine was very early on. But, not early enough. On top of that me being under constant stress, worry, fear, and anxiety didn't help at all. What was supposed to be a laparoscopic procedure, where they make a very small incision and insert equipment with a camera that cleans out the fallopian tube, for me turned into an emergency surgery.

In my case, since they had to remove the whole fallopian tube which had ruptured, they had to make an incision through one half of my abdomen. As with most emergency surgery, especially one where they remove an organ, the recovery time is long. To be specific, mine was going to take anywhere from four to six weeks. Not to mention all the possible side effects like nausea, vomiting, dizziness, pain, fatigue, bleeding, and infections. And the worst part, I wasn't allowed to pick up anything heavy, like my almost 6 month old daughter.