In The Blink Of An Eye

Forgive But Don't Forget

I finally managed some strength and walked inside. As soon as I entered I saw a police officer standing by the body scanner. I swear every time I have to pass through one of these things I feel like the biggest criminal as if they are going to find fifty pound of drugs on me based on how nervous I get. I was scared to wear a belt yet alone anything I wasn't supposed to have and here I was acting like I was going to get tackled down by three police officers with the dogs all on top of me.

"You're free to go in," he exclaimed.

I walked in and signed my name onto the piece of paper.

"Who are you here to visit?" Asked the women at the front.

"Brayden Hanson, my brother."

"You have two hours, please make sure no phones or cameras are used while you are inside."

"Thank you."

I walked in and went to the visitor area. As I sat there waiting for Brayden to come out, I could feel my blood rushing through my veins. Within ten minutes, I saw him walking through the door with the police officer next to him. When he saw me he stopped in his tracks and looked straight at me.

"Move along" exclaimed the police officer.

He began to walk and came closer to me. He sat down on the chair and without saying a single word, he just looked at me. He couldn't see my belly or that I was pregnant so I didn't understand why he was looking at me the way he was.

"Hi Brayden," I said.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm wondering the same thing. I don't know. I don't have an answer for that."

"Is everything okay? Nothing happened, right?"

"Ever since you've been gone, nothing much has happened. Well, besides the car accident and the fact that I could have died along with Lilli."

"What?? You had a car accident? When?"

"Couple of months ago. But we're all okay, thank God."

"Who's you all? Was Jake with you?"

"Yes he was the one driving. He didn't sustain too many injuries. But Lilli, I and the baby were in very critical condition."

"The baby? Wait.. are you pregnant?"

I got up and showed him my belly. I don't know what it was but I swear for the first time ever, I saw a little bit of humanity in him.

"Madisyn, I'm happy for you. I really am. I am so sorry for everything I've put you through. I know I can say I'm sorry all day every day and it wouldn't even begin to cover how sorry I actually am. I never meant to hurt you."

"Actually...that's kind of why I'm here. I...umm...I forgive you. Not for you, honestly you don't really deserve forgiveness, not after everything you did. But I have to forgive you for myself. I don't want to keep looking back to the past. I don't want to keep wondering why you did what you did. I don't want to keep wondering how it would feel to have you as a normal brother. I want to move on with my life. I want to finally live a normal life for the first time in many years. I can't do that now because no matter how hard I try, you're constantly on my mind..."

"Madisyn...I am so sorry...I wish I could go back and change things..."

"Yeah well, you can't. I can't either! I've wondered so many times what my life would be like if I never got involved? If I had never answered that text message? I've asked myself a million times what our lives would have been like had our parents not separated us at birth? But there is no point in asking and wondering because I can't change anything. I wish I could say that I feel bad for you and that I feel sorry for what you're going through, but I don't. No matter how hard I try, all I feel for you is hate and anger. No matter how many times I close my eyes and try to imagine you as a human being, all I see are the images of everything you've done to me."