In The Blink Of An Eye

He Is Right

"Like what???" Asked Jake from around the corner.

"Jake, I..."

"Tell me, I'm listening. What stuff do you have to think about when you're with me that you didn't have to think about when you were screwing Silas."

"Hey, lower your voice, my daughter is in the house."

"That's it, your daughter and no matter how long we are together and will be together, she will be "your" daughter because I will never be Evan and I will never be her father. Plus, you don't even want to have other kids. Hell, you won't even sleep with me."

"She has a father and yes she is my daughter. I don't know what you're expecting from me?"

"Her father is dead and the sooner you realize that the better it is for everyone. And nothing, I'm not expecting anything from you. Not anymore."

"I do realize that, and I realized that from the moment he got killed and taken away from me. Not anymore?? What are you trying to say Jake?"

"Hey, can you two calm down please? Do you want to do this with Lilli here in the house? Hasn't she been through enough?" Said Silas.

I looked at Jake and he looked back at me and then turned away. I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. Maybe I really wasn't ready for any of this no matter how hard I tried. Maybe I wasn't ready to move on and leave the whole past behind, but clearly he wasn't either. I guess we both just rushed into everything way too soon. I was so mad that I couldn't even think straight.

I never said I didn't want anymore kids and I never said I didn't want to sleep with him. The fact that he was just making all these assumptions about me pissed me the hell off.

Whatever, I didn't have time to deal with any of this crap right now.

I walked off and went to the room where Lilli was. She should have been my only priority and here I was dealing with shit that I shouldn't have to deal with, as if I didn't have enough on my mind.

When I came in Lilli was playing with her toys and watching TV. When I saw her room, I was shocked. I couldn't believe how much work he had put into this room. It was something I could have only dreamed of for her room to be. As happy as I was to see her in this room it also made me extremely sad. This was supposed to be something her father and I should have created for her in our dream house where we would live together happily. She wasn't supposed to be having her dream room in someone else's house without a dad to play with her or teach her how to ride the bike, take her to the park, fly a kite together, kiss her goodnight and tuck her to bed each night. Not here, not like this.

Maybe Jake was right by what he said. Even ten years down the road, would I ever be able to consider him Lilli's father. I think Lilli would be okay with that idea before I ever would. Evan was her father and no matter what, he was always going to be. How could I call some other man her father, or step father? No wonder he was mad at me, he was absolutely right, I was definitely not ready for any of this.

When I least expected it, Jake walked into the room. As soon as Lilli saw him she ran to him and hugged him.

"Jakeee!!! I missed you so much."

"I missed you too, lil bit."

Lil bit was his nickname for her that they both came up with. It was super cute and unique and something special they shared together. As I watched the two of them, I realized something. I was dumb and wrong!!! Evan was always going to be her dad of course, but it wasn't just blood that made someone a father, it was the way they cared, loved, protected, and cherished that child that made that man a dad.