In The Blink Of An Eye

Place Of Our Own

She wasn't being very dramatic at all. In fact we did take much longer to get there than we normally would have. The thing is that ever since the accident I've been extra cautious and drive really slowly. Maybe a lot more slowly! I just can't take any risks, especially not when Lilli and Madi are in the car with me.

Madisyn doesn't know this because I never told her but even if I did not like she would have remembered. I wanted to surprise her with a new apartment for us. I know how much she wanted to have a place to call her own and not have to be living in a hotel anymore. I listened to Phil and went with Lilli to look at the apartments. He was right! The apartments are absolutely beautiful and even Lilli fell in love with them as soon as we walked in for our tour. It might have been risky getting an apartment without having Madisyn see it first but I'm hoping that if Lilli and I loved it, she will too.

Another thing that I haven't told Madisyn yet is that when she lost the baby the doctors told us that she will never be able to get pregnant again. Madisyn sustained serious injury to her abdominal area due to the seat belt getting jammed during the accident. If she had been further along in her pregnancy the doctors would have operated her and tried to save the baby. However Madi was too early in her pregnancy and the baby died from the injuries. During the car accident she suffered uterine rupture, where the wall of the uterus tears and ruptures from the force of the impact. Most of the cases of uterine rupture occur from seat belt pressure. Normally these kinds of things occur later on in pregnancies but the way the truck hit Madisyn's side of the car, the seat belt jammed inside the car which made the seat belt too tight and caused too much pressure.

I didn't know this and Madi never mentioned it to me but during the pregnancy with Lilli she had invasive placenta which is a condition where the placenta attaches too strongly into the wall of the uterus. When she was delivering Lilli the placenta did not want to separate from the uterus the way it normally does during deliveries. In an effort to safely remove the placenta the doctors had to operate in order to detach the placenta. This made her uterine wall weaker and more sensitive to later pregnancies.

Madisyn is still fertile and can get pregnant but the doctor highly recommended that no further pregnancies happen since it would be putting both Madisyn and the baby in direct harm and risk of death.

Knowing Madisyn, she would take that risk again even if it meant that she had 1% of success in delivering a baby. She would do it because she knows how much I wanted to have a child of my own. So, I'm going to make sure that she never does get pregnant and never puts herself or our baby in that kind of danger ever again. She will just have to think that there is something wrong with me and that I no longer can make babies. I'm never going to tell her that the reason why we are not having a child is because I don't want to put her in that kind of risk because she will not listen to me. I did want to have a child especially with Madisyn but I love her way too much to even think of putting her in any kind of harm's way just in order to have a child. There is no way I am ever going to allow her to go through more than she already had to.

.....

We had finally arrived at the location and Jake still made me keep my eyes closed. If he knew anything about me it is how much I hated not knowing what the hell was going on around me. So having my eyes closed for this long was really on the verge of driving me insane.

"Okay...you can open your eyes" he exclaimed.

I opened my eyes and looked around.

"Ummm what is going on? Where are we?"

"What do you think? Be honest!!"

"Well I mean it's beautiful and the apartments are gorgeous but where are we?"