In The Blink Of An Eye

Getting Help

I wish I could have told him that all this crap was finally over and that he didn't have to worry about anything anymore but I couldn't. I couldn't do that knowing that MWAF was still after me and that I had no idea how this story was going to end.

That evening when I put Lilli down for her nap I went to check on Jake. He was in our room laying down on the bed. I went and sat down on the bed next to him.

"Hi," I said gently.

"Hey."

"I think we need to talk."

"About?"

"About us, about your nightmares, and everything else. Jake, you can't continue ignoring us and hope that all this goes away. I miss you, Lilli misses you. We both need you in our lives and right now...you're not."

"I haven't left anywhere."

"No you haven't but it feels like you have. You hardly talk to me, you barely spend any time with Lilli. You're not sleeping, you're not eating. We can't continue this Jake. We need to get help."

"What kind of help? You mean like go to some stranger and tell them all of our problems and hope that they will magically have some answer to everything? No thanks."

"Do you have a better idea??? The way things are going we won't even make it to our wedding day. We can't continue living like this and acting like everything is fine. It's not! I'm hurting, Lilli is sad, you're sad and hurting...we're falling apart Jake and I really don't want that to happen."

He looked at me without saying anything. He knew that I was right even when he was too stubborn to admit it himself. With the rate we were going, there would be no wedding and there would be no future for us. It was already hard enough with everything else going on that we needed each other more than ever now and instead, we were further apart more and more each day. Something had to change and it had to change fast.

"Jake, I love you and I love our life together and I want us to be stronger than ever before. I don't know what awaits us tomorrow but whatever it is I need to know that we can rely and help each other. I can't do this without you."

"Okay...."

"Okay???"

"I'll go get help. I don't want to lose you so if this will help make us better, then I will go."

"Omg omggg thank you. This is going to be great, I just know it. I'll call him right away and see when he can schedule us."

"Hey Madi?"

"Yeah hun?"

"I... I... I'm scared of losing you."

"Hey hey, you won't lose me. I'm right here and I am not going anywhere. I know you're scared and I am scared too and that's normal but we can't let these feelings get to us. That's what they want right? So we can't let them win no matter how hard it is."

"I love you!"

"I love you too."

I leaned down and kissed him. For the first time in a while I felt like things were going to be okay. I know that MWAF was still after me and I was scared that he was going to end everything I had worked so hard for. But, I didn't want to let those fears get to me. The minute I let those feelings and fears take over me, MWAF had won already without having to do anything.

After I left the room, I walked outside to the front porch and called Tian Ling. It's not like I was trying to hide anything from Jake but I also didn't want him to hear me talking and complaining about our life together to some stranger especially after knowing how badly Jake hated that.