In The Blink Of An Eye

How Do I Cope?

Tomorrow, I was meeting my "bodyguard." God, I hated that word. I always have. It reminds me of the famous people who walked around with these bodyguards and could never truly be themselves. I know most people would die for the chance to be famous and popular, for everyone to know their name. Most people looked up to these actors, singers, famous directors, and all that other jazz, but nothingme. 

If anything, I felt bad for them. 

Imagine not being able to step foot outside without having thousands of people with cameras all over you? Not being able to have a nice meal without the tabloids the next day saying how much weight you had gained or how you were pregnant and everyone curious to see who the baby's father is. Imagine having children and being scared of someone taking them or doing something to them to get your money. Every move you made, every place you went, every person you ever met...would be right on the news and plastered everywhere the next day. Not being able to step a foot outside with your sweatpants and a hoodie on to get your coffee without someone talking shit about you because you had to be dressed a certain way. 

No, thank you!!! 

I never understood what that must be like, to constantly have someone follow you around and be on top of everything you do. Well, at least not until I got to Duskwood. 

As I looked down at my arm, I saw the five doves. Each one was supposed to represent someone I had lost. I couldn't believe Silas was alive. I couldn't believe that all this time that I had been mourning his death, he was alive. If Silas could have faked his own death, now I was faking my own death, I began to wonder if Evan was actually gone or if he had found a way to disappear without a trace as well. But he wouldn't do that to me, right? He wouldn't just leave me and our daughter without him, would he? I could somehow understand if he wanted to leave me in order to protect me or whatnot, but he wouldn't just leave Lilli. 

As I laid in bed thinking… I had also left her too. What was the difference between what I was doing and what he had done? 

The idea that Evan might still be alive somewhere gave me a little bit of hope that maybe one day down the road, my life could be back to normal again. 

While thinking, I fell asleep. 

I woke up the next morning to the sound of thumping sounds coming from outside. What the hell was going on? It sounded as if the whole house was falling apart. I got out of bed and looked out the window. I saw a man standing talking to James as he was setting up some cables and cameras around the house. 

Was this my "bodyguard"? Was this the man that would be following me around everywhere I went for the next God knows how long? What the hell was he doing with all those cables and cameras? I really hope to God they were not about to set up these cameras and keep track of everything around this house. I'm already paranoid and scared enough, I didn't need these cameras following my every move. 

I walked into the living room and stared at them with confusion. 

"Is anybody going to tell me what is going on here?" I shouted. 

"Oh hi, Lana," said James. 

"Lana? What the hell…."

See, I was definitely never going to get used to people calling me Lana. I mean all my life I've been Madisyn and now I have to pretend to be someone I'm not. 

"This is Fabian. He will be your personal bodyguard from now on."

"Great. As if I'm not being followed enough, " I mumbled to myself. 

"I won't follow you around. I'll just make sure nobody else does, " exclaimed Fabian. 

Damn!!! No wonder he was a bodyguard. His hearing was phenomenal. How the hell did he even hear me? Jesus. I barely even heard myself.