In The Blink Of An Eye

Months Of Waiting

I was still mad at Jake and I honestly didn't want to say anything to him. I didn't know what to say even if I wanted to talk to him. I felt like this was all his fault. If he had believed me and not made me feel and look crazy, none of this would have happened. At least now he had all the proof he needed to know that I wasn't making anything up and that I was actually pregnant. 

"Madisyn… I really need to apologize to you. I wasn't trying to make you mad or feel crazy. I have been crying and grieving our son since the day of the accident when the doctor told me that you lost the baby." 

"JAKE, HOW COULD HE HAVE TOLD YOU THAT WHEN IT WASN'T TRUE?"

"I don't know! I don't even know where to begin or what to think. He told me that you had a miscarriage and that the baby died from the seat belt being tight. I had no reason not to believe him or to think he was making such a thing up. Not only was I scared of losing you and Lilli but I had lost our baby and I didn't have anybody there." 

"I've never been the type to want to sue someone but I really want to sue that doctor. That is CRAZY!!! What the hell was the point of him telling you such a thing? Who was this doctor?" 

"Dr. Devin Fiser. He was your doctor and the same person that handled the entire miscarriage. He even told me that we should never try to have a baby again due to all the risks that would end up killing your or our baby." 

"WHAT? HE SAID THAT??? I can't believe this! Weren't you going through enough already that you didn't need to grieve over our baby who wasn't even dead to begin with?" 

"At times I feel like no matter how far we come and how much we try to leave our past behind, it somehow seems to follow us everywhere we go." 

"Well, I'm pregnant and we are having our son. I don't care what anybody says or does, nothing will get in the way of us taking our baby home." 

If only during that time I could have predicted all the things we would have to deal with in our near future. If only I could have seen the kind of stuff that was waiting for us, I would have been sure to sit in this moment and enjoy it for as long as I could. But we don't know, right? We never know what is waiting for us around the corner. I guess if we did, most of the time we would never make that turn and walk around that corner. 

Having that one memory of the car accident was a great sign regardless of how much I wish that memory could have stayed lost forever. However, we didn't know what was going to happen the minute I closed my eyes and fell asleep. The only way we would know for sure was me going to sleep and waking up in hopes that my memory would be back. If anything good could come out of this entire nightmare, it would be at least my memories coming back so I didn't have to walk around like a zombie without a brain. Let me tell you, falling asleep that night was one of the hardest things I've had to do, not because I wasn't sleepy but because I was scared to fall asleep. I didn't want to forget again and wake up the next morning not remembering anything that had just happened. As much as these memories were painful to remember, I wanted to remember the good ones. After tossing and turning hundreds of times, I finally managed to fall asleep. 

Well, tomorrow was going to be a new day. It was either going to be a brand new day or a day where I could continue my memories from yesterday. 

"Honey… Madisyn!" I heard Jake call out to me. 

I must have been asleep really late for him to be waking me up. I was always the first one to wake up every morning. This pregnancy was really taking a toll on me. I was barely 17 weeks pregnant and I was already exhausted. I couldn't even imagine what I would feel like at 37 weeks pregnant. I was seven years younger the last time I did any of this so maybe that's also a reason why everything seemed so much easier with Lilli.