In The Blink Of An Eye

Forbidden Desire

After we were done we both fell asleep completely naked and worn out. I don't remember the last time I slept that well in my entire life. My whole body hurt but oh God...felt so amazing at the same time. I was still on that high of that drug but slowly with each passing minute and hour, it started to wear off, it always does.

At that point you only have two choices; continue doing it all over again and again and again or stop and let it leave your system and never touch it again.

The choice you make determines what kind of person you are, how strong of a character you have and what the rest of your life is going to look like. I wish I could say I was one of those that just let it get out of my system and that I never wanted it again. But...I wasn't. I was the one that wanted to feel that high over and over again.

I knew what I was doing was wrong just like drug addicts do, but they continue to do it anyways. Because for that moment while they are high, nothing else matters. All the pain of this world is gone and they seem to be on top of the world. But, the highs never come without the lows right? When you're at your highest you feel great and superior but what about when you're at your lowest? I knew that once this was over, I was going to pay the price, and highly. But for once in my life I just didn't want to think and I didn't want to care. I was tired, no...I was exhausted from caring and thinking and hiding and always doing something for someone else. For once, I wanted to do something for myself.

Selfish? Absolutely!!!

I really, really was but I didn't give a damn. What the hell was not being selfish getting me in life? Nothing! I was getting nowhere. I felt like a fucken hamster on a wheel that just spinned round and round with no way of getting off. For a minute when I felt like that stupid wheel would slow down and I could somehow manage to get off, nope...it went right back to the same speed and there I was back on the same wheel spinning until I got so dizzy and exhausted, that I just didn't care anymore.

Jake? Yeah, I don't know... maybe we just were never meant to be anyways. I felt like we were two different parallel lines with no way of ever connecting. Sometimes those lines seem to get sooo close you could almost taste it but they just never touched. That was Jake and I, not meant to be. No matter how close we seemed to get we always found a way to disconnect. Sometimes it was him other times it was me but either way, it just never worked out.

What exactly was I expecting? We were two lost souls wandering through this earth trying to find a little piece of happiness with neither of us being able to bring that happiness into each other's lives no matter how much we tried. I wanted us to be those two lost souls that found their home in each other's hearts and arms, but we just couldn't.

I woke up in the morning naked with Silas's arms wrapped around me. When he sensed that I woke up he opened his eyes, looked at me and smiled. Remember when I said I wish I was one of those people who could just quit and never touch the drug again? Well...this was one of those moments. I leaned over and kissed him.

"How are you feeling?" Silas asked.

"Great. What about you?" I responded.

"I am feeling like I died and went to heaven. I never want you to leave my arms, ever again. I already let you go once and I am never letting you go again."

"Shsss just enjoy this moment please. I don't want to think about anything besides enjoying this right here and right now."

He grabbed me and pulled me closer into his arms. Ugh I hated this. I hated that I loved being in his arms. It felt so wrong because this should be Jake or Evan, not Silas. Not that there was anything wrong with him he was actually pretty incredible, not to mention super sexy and hot. But, I just felt bad knowing how much I was enjoying this and how much I shouldn't be. All I wanted to do was have sex with him again and stop thinking. The minute I stopped...the thought, the sadness, the regret and the questions would start.