In The Blink Of An Eye

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"Lilly?? Can you try calling Jake one more time, please?" 

"I will try. I really want him to answer. This is driving me crazy." 

"How do you think I feel? We just got married, Lilli loves him...I love him. We were just starting our lives as a family and now he's gone. He's gone because he thinks I'm happier with someone else and it's all my fault. I've loved Jake for as long as I can remember and the only person I've ever had feelings of love towards besides Jake was Evan. How could he…" 

"Hello? Jake???" Lilly exclaimed. 

"Can I speak to Madi?" Jake asked. 

Lilly handed me the phone and I answered as quickly as I possibly could. 

"Jake… please come back! Whatever you think is happening is not. I promise you that the only man I love and want to be with is you." 

"Madisyn, I love you and I will always love you. But… I think you need to figure out what you feel towards Silas before I can come back. I'm not going to make you stop being friends but I can't be with you until you figure out…"

"Jake!!! I have nothing to figure out. I'm married to you and I love you. If for one second I thought that I might have feelings for Silas, I wouldn't have let Lilli get so involved in your life and get close to you. I don't care about hurting myself but I definitely care about hurting Lilli." 

Before he could get the chance to talk, I stopped him. 

"I just want you to come back. I want to spend the rest of my life falling asleep in your arms and I want to wake up next to you every single morning. How could you ever think that I am willing to lose everything we have for anybody else?"

"Every single time he looks at you and you look at him I can feel the tension between the two of you. Figure it out! I'm done feeling like I can never trust you two together because I feel like at any minute you will walk up and tell me that you want to be with him." 

"Is that really how you feel?? If you honestly mean that… I have nothing to say to you. You clearly don't know me and you clearly don't trust me or my love." 

Before he could even say anything back I hung up the phone and handed it back to Lilly. I was over it! Here I was like an idiot praying to God he was okay and that he would come back and he was acting like a total idiot. I understand being jealous and I understand feeling insecure, I even understand having fears of being hurt but those things shouldn't be happening when you're happy and in love with someone. At this point I had nothing to say to him. Whatever decision he decides to make is all up to him but as far as I go, I'm focusing on myself and my daughter. 

I was so extremely hurt by the way he was acting. 

Here's the thing… 

Jake and I were supposed to go on our honeymoon on Friday. A week after our wedding and it's been three days today and I haven't talked to him since that last conversation we had. He was still God knows where, doing God knows what. Honestly, I was pretty sure that he was never coming back. I called the airline and the hotel for our honeymoon and canceled everything. As excited as I was to get married, to start our lives together and to go on this vacation, now...I was just left feeling heartbroken. 

I had just put Lilli down for her nap when my phone rang. 

"Hello?" 

"Hey Madi, we need to talk!" 

"Silas? What is going on?"

"Jake called me…"

"What?! Jake called you, when?"