In The Blink Of An Eye

Birthday Princess

It sounds ridiculous to someone looking in from the outside, and I guess at one point in my life, it sounded ridiculous to me as well. However, now...it was something that seemed to stay on my mind no matter what I was doing, who I was with, or where I was at. That constant nagging fear in the back of my mind never let me enjoy the little freedom that I felt like I had left. The constant worry, paranoia, anxiety, nightmares, and stress were too much for anybody to handle. It was definitely something that was completely new to me. I worried and got stressed out and had nightmares before, too, but it was nothing that would even be close to what I was currently going through. Actually, thinking back, it makes me laugh at the stuff that I was worried and stressed about before. I guess when you don't know any worse, whatever you're going through seems to be the worst.

I could swear on anything I have, that I forgot what a true, honest, from the bottom of my heart laugh of mine sounded like.

I used to laugh and giggle all the time. People actually used to always wonder how I was so happy. What was my secret? Why did I always see the best and the positive in everything? I honestly wouldn't know how to answer that now because it seems that part of me died a long time ago.

Now, even the positive things in life always seem to have something negative attached to them.

I find it so unbelievable and hard to still comprehend how one single individual can have such a horrible, negative, traumatizing impact on you while it takes a hundred people around you to make you feel safe.

While I was at the hospital around doctors and nurses who saved people every day, he found a way to make me feel scared. At my own house, where I should have felt safe, secure, and protected, he found a way to make me feel scared. In the arms of my husband, around my friends and family, he still found a way to torture me and make me feel scared. No matter where I was or who I was with, this one sick individual found a way to make my life a living nightmare.

People always pray and ask for more money, bigger houses, better cars, more expensive clothes, always bigger and better things. Not me! The only thing I wanted more than anything else in life was peace and freedom. Throughout this whole experience, I have learned that if you don't have peace of mind and your freedom, you don't have anything at all. It wouldn't have mattered what kind of house I lived in or how much my monthly mortgage was. He would have found a way to make that house a place I never wanted to step foot into. It wouldn't have mattered how much money I had. There was no way I could pay for my freedom and security and the security of those I loved. While others were praying for things that were never truly going to make them happy, I was praying for something that is the only thing stopping me from happiness.

Our daughter's birthday was in two days, and everything was planned and done except for the desserts. I was planning on making a cake, cupcakes, cakepops, cookies, and to buy candies. Her birthday theme was Bambi, since she has loved that cartoon from the time she started watching it.

Thanks to Cleo and her baking skills, I wasn't worried about it at all. Jessy, Cleo, Harley, Hannah, and my sister helped me organize everything. The day before the party, we all got together and decorated the whole house. Cleo helped me with all the desserts, and they all came out so beautifully it was hard to believe it wasn't done by a professional baker. The house was filled with hundreds of balloons, and the tables were all set up and ready for the party. I was so excited to see Lilli's reaction when she saw it all.

"Wow, this looks like a kid's dream come true. Everything came out so beautifully, " said my sister.

"It really did! I am so proud of us, and thank you all so much for all the hard work and help. I couldn't have ever done this without you girls, " I replied.