In The Blink Of An Eye

Strength

My sister hasn't said much ever since Evan died. I knew how much she loved him and how both my sister and brother were excited for me. They were both totally crushed and heartbroken. I didn't honestly even expect them to say much. After all, nobody understood the need to not talk to anybody more than I did.

However, that night, as I laid down, someone knocked on my door. I figured it was my mom just wanting to wish me a good night. But, it was my sister. I was surprised to see her.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" I asked.

"Do you mind if I sleep with you tonight?"

"No, of course not. Come in."

I didn't really understand what was going on, but I didn't mind her company one bit. I could actually use my sister right now. After all, she's always been my best friend.

As she laid down next to me, she came really close to me and hugged me.

"Everything okay? Do you want to share with me what's going on?"

"Not that I haven't been scared before about the whole situation you're in, I have. But after Evan died, and seeing how much pain you're in, I'm scared of losing you too. I'm nowhere near as strong as you. I won't be able to handle the pain if something happens to you, too."

You know, I never even thought about that. I was so busy with everything that happened to Evan and how much pain I was in that I didn't even stop to think how much pain I would cause to my family if something happened to me. Like I said, I never thought about death before. All this pain I was going through, I wouldn't wish even on my worst enemy. There honestly isn't anything worse than losing a loved one. I never stopped to think how much my family was hurting watching me suffer so much.

"Don't even think about it. Nothing is going to happen to me. I'm so sorry I scared you guys. I was just so hurt that I didn't think about anybody else's pain besides my own. You know that saying "you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have", well it's very true. I was sure that I was going to die when I lost Evan. Don't doubt yourself and how strong you really are. It's amazing what we can pull through."

"I never told you how sorry I am about Evan. I really loved him, and I am so hurt by what happened. I miss him so much."

As she began to cry, I was the one who had to comfort her. Even though all I wanted to do was cry myself.

"It's okay to miss him, you know? I miss him too, like crazy. Every second of the day, I miss him more and more. But the pain we are feeling right now, it's just a sign of how much we loved him. So we have to be strong, I think Evan would have wanted us to be."

As she hugged me and I comforted her, I knew I was going to be okay.

As much as it hurt and as painful as it was, I knew that the strength I had in me was going to be enough to make it out through this.

With her by my side, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

I woke up in the morning, got up, and checked on Lilli. To my surprise, she was awake. I walked up next to her crib and looked over at her, laying down. All I could see was Evan. She really was her dad's twin. It seems that she even grew faster than she normally does even since he passed away. It almost seemed like she also had to grow up and be stronger just like the rest of us.

I smiled down at her as he kicked and wriggled in her crib. I was so glad to see how happy she was. I was actually glad that she was so little and didn't understand anything because I didn't know how I would have coped with seeing her in pain of losing her dad if she was any older.