In The Blink Of An Eye

Leave

I was so pissed at myself for allowing this to happen. I was already in enough mess as is and I was creating an even bigger mess for myself and for everyone around me. I wouldn't be surprised if Jake had left completely. He came to China to be with me and to help me out and here I was repaying him back by having sex with another man. I wasn't some horny teenager who didn't have their head on straight, I was an adult with a child of my own. I should have known better than to do something which I was forever going to regret.

After we got home that day I gave Lilli a bath and made something for her to eat. She was exhausted from playing around and wanted to take a nap. Before her nap I had to make sure she was fed because if she went to sleep on a hungry stomach she would be up faster than she fell asleep. She had been like that since she was born.

"What do you want to eat sweetie?" I asked.

"Peanut butter and jelly sandwich" she replied.

Of course, I don't even know why I asked. Her favorite quick snack to eat was a pb&j sandwich. I never liked it and neither did Evan so I don't know where she got her love for that from but if Lilli wanted pb&j then that's what she got.

I made her a sandwich while she was in her room putting her clothes on. Most kids her age wanted to get dressed by themselves; the only difference between those kids and Lilli was that Lilli actually had a good sense of style. Again, I don't know where she got that from. I couldn't match an outfit or combine one to make it look half decent to save my life and Evan...well let's just say unless we were actually going somewhere that required him to wear a suit and tie, he was jeans and a white or black t-shirt kind of guy.

"Are you ready to take a little nap?" I asked.

"Yes I am but can I ask for a favor?"

"Sure honey, what is it?"

"Can Silas tell me a story now?"

"You want him to tell you a story and not me?"

"You can tell me one tonight before bed" she replied with a look on her face as if she was begging me to let Silas tell her a story."

I couldn't say no especially knowing that this might be the last time she was going to see him again.

"I'll go get him, you go lay down in bed and make yourself comfortable"

I couldn't believe that she wanted Silas over me! When her dad was alive, it was him over me and now Silas was winning my spot too. But, I guess that's what I get for always being more concerned with everything else in my life besides what I should have actually been concerned about...being her mom.

I left her in the room and walked over to the room where Silas was in. His door was closed so I knocked before bursting in. I learned the hard way not to do that a long time ago.

"Come in" he shouted from inside the room.

I don't think he was expecting to see me by the look on his face when I opened the door.

"Hey, sorry to bother but Lilli wants to know if
you can tell her a story before her nap?"

"Are you serious?"

"I know, I was just as shocked as you are."

"Yeah of course I would love to."

"Is there a way we can talk after you're done? I'll be in the living room?"

"Okay I'll meet you there once she is asleep."

Once Silas went to her room I walked to the living room and made myself a drink. God knows I was going to need it for what I was about to do. Just one drink! We all know what happened last time I had more than one drink and I was around Silas and I was not repeating that same mistake again, not this time or ever again in my life.