Shameless

115|Adios Gringos

Carla spined Emma around,making Emma giggle before Carla put her down and held her hand as they walked downstairs. "Hey,em,go play." Carla said as Emma ran off. Carla grabbed a beer out of the fridge as Mateo ran up to her,crying. "Mama!"

"Mateo,what happened?" Carla kneeled down to look at Mateo. "Emma tripped me." Mateo sniffled. "Emma,no tripping your brother." Carla said as Debbie walked downstairs with Franny.

"Sorry, Mama." Emma said. "Don't apologize to me. Apologize to Mateo." Carla stood up,taking a sip of beer. "Sorry, Mateo." Emma said as Mateo walked into the living room.

Debbie sat Franny on the counter. "I'm a good girl." Franny said. "Yeah,I know. 'Cause your mama's has done a  very good job teaching you right from wrong. But tomorrow,I need you to be a very bad girl when we go to that mean ol' witch Pepa's house,okay?" Debbie asked.

"You could a big knifey and could poke the puppy with it till it goes 'ouchie' and bleeds," franny frowns and shakes her head. "Or you could take a big old poopy on her bed,hmm?" Debbie suggested.

"I'm a good girl." Franny said. "Come on,Franny,you gotta work with me." Debbie said as Ian walked in the house and into the kitchen. "I'm a good girl." Franny repeated.

"Know anywhere I could get a redheaded toddler for rent?" Debbie asked. "Well,if you attended the local ginger club meetings,like I asked you too,you'd know a dozen redheaded toddlers by now." Ian joked.

"I'm serious,Ian. I negotiated Pepa down to partial custody in exchange for some of Derek's death benefit,but I can't stomach the thought of that bitch having one second alone with Franny." Debbie said.

"So you wanna pass off a fake franny?" Ian asked. "Perferably one horrible enough that's she'll drop the custody fight altogether. But apparently, I've raised a great kid. She'll totally wanna keep her." Debbie said as Carla and Ian stood on each side of Debbie,looking at Franny.

"Yeah,never gonna happen. Pepa'll know it's not her." Ian said. "People are super racist against redheads. They think we all look alike. Frank calls me 'ian,' like,twice a week." Debbie said. "Okay. Uh,well,you can try the girls & Boys club or a group home. Those kids are pretty screwed up. Anyway,I gotta get to work." Ian said.

"Since when do you have a job?" Carla asked, sipping her beer. "Well,it's less of a job than a Medicare scam. I'm being forced into by my corrupt parole officer." Ian said. "Gay Jesus to insurance fraud?" Debbie asked.

"Yeah. Prison really reformed me." Ian said, walking away. "See you guys."

~~

Carla leaned against the kitchen doorway as she listened to Carl talk to Anne's family. "There's no way we're getting run off our own block by Chicano Woody from Toy Story.  You shoulda let me kick their asses." Anne said as she paced back and forth.

"Liok,the enemy may have won the battle, but tactical precision will guarantee us ultimate victory." Carl said. Telma translated what Carl said. "What are you talking about?" Anne asked.

"Yeah,Carl,what are you talking about?" Carla asked. Carl looked at Carla, then at Anne. "I'm talking about war,people, and war is hell. But lucky for all of you,I almost passed my battle strategy class at military school." Carl told everyone.

"Let's see. I suggest a counterattack.  What,there were,like,three or four of thoese guys? Last I checked there were a million of you. Let's use that to our advantage and strike back."

"We are cooks,not fighters." Telma said. "Trust me,overwhelming force. Ever heard of shock and awe? Operation Iraqi Freedom? Worked out pretty great for America,don't you think? Won the war and got to kick it in Iraq for 20 years." Carl said.