Shameless

73|Swipe, F**k , Leave

Carla sat next to Carl at the table as they ate breakfast. "I thought you were living at Caleb's?" Carl asked. "Caleb's sleeping with a chick." Lip said. "He's bi?" Carla asked. "No, dude is bi,all right? You lick dick,you're supposed to be gay." Ian said as he poured coffee into a cup.

"So you guys broke up?" Carl asked. "Haven't decided yet. Probably. God,I can't believe he's licked vag,too." Ian said as Carla stood up and had Carl pour coffee in her cup. "All right,can you guys please stop talking about licking vag? You're gonna give me a boner." Carl said.

"You sleep at all last night?" Lip asked. "No,if I wake up with morning wood,it'll pop my stitches." Carl said as the twins sat back down at the table. "Your 16. How are you gonna not get wood for 72 hours?" Lip asked.

"Eyes on the prize,my brother." Carl said. "Yeah,which is?" Lip asked. "A blowie from Dominique." Carl told him. "The chick who made you cut your dick?" Carla asked. "Yeah,man,no girl's worth that." Lip said.

"She didn't make me. I wanted to. You guys just don't understand true love." Carl said as she stood up and grabbed his lunch. "Uh,you know,it's pretty cold out there. You better put on a turtleneck." Lip told him.

Carla laughed at Lip's words as she grabbed her backpack and her lunch. "Oh,oh! Excuse you." V said as the twins walked past Kev and V.

~~

Carla walked slowly behind Carl as he wobbled down the stairs of the school. "Hey. Carl. Hey, a bunch of us are going to the movies tonight. Do you want to come? Carla, you can come too if you like." Dom said.

"I told you,I can't hang out with you for 72 hours." Carl told her. "Thought that meant we just couldn't fool around." Dom said. "Even just being in your vicinity gives me a boner." Carl said. Dominique chuckled and touched his arm. "That's so sweet." She said.

"Seriously,stop." Carl said. "Hey,freak fuck!" A kid called our behind them causing the four to turn around. "Heard you go a tranny operation." The kid said.

"I only told a couple of people." Dom said. "Got your penis chopped off. Now you're a lady. Like your sister here. Not that you were that far off to begin with." Another kid said as he pushed Carla's head.

"See you around,Bruce Jenner." The kid told Carl. "Hey,Bruce Jenner was the dude,so fuck you guys. Thanks for the compliment. " Carl said as they continued to walk.

"Don't listen to them. Okay, I think you're manly for what you did. And when the 72 hours and one second is over,I'm gonna loosen your belt,then take off your pants..." Dominique said.

"No." Carl said. "Then your underwear." Dominique continued. "No,no,stop." Carl told her. "Then suck your lollipop." Dominique said. "I'm serious." Carl said as he leaned over.

"Oh,fuck." Carl said. "I thought you said I just couldn't go near you." Dominique said. "Words turn people on, too." Carla said. "Where are you going? We have class." Dominique called out.

"Doctor,clinic,now." Carl said as Carla walked after him.

~~

After school, the twins were at paty's pies working their shift for the day. While Carla was picking up diry dishes off tables, Carl sat down with a plate of spaghetti and started to eat it.

"Excuse me?" A girl with dark black hair and tattoos asked as she walked up to Carl. "I saw the 'help wanted' sign at the window." She said. "Uh-Huh." Carl nodded. "Can I leave my resume with you?" The girl asked.

"Uh-Huh." Carl nodded again. "Thanks." The girl said as she handed her resume to Carl. "Uh-Huh." Carl smirked, making the girl giggle as she walked out of the restaurant.

Carl adjusted in his seat as Carla walked over to him. "She was attractive,wasn't she." Carla said. "Son of a bitch!" Carl whispered as he stood up.

Carla chuckled as she walked into the kitchen of paty's pies and washed the dishes.

~~

Carla sat next to Carl on the L as she watched as Carl looked at the girls around them, and then he put his hands over his lap. Carl then put on some sunglasses.

Carla's eyes followed where Carl was looking. "You know it's wrong to look at girls like that." Carla whispered. "Shut up. I'm think of hairy balls." Carl whispered.

"Hairy balls?" Carla asked quietly. "Helps me not to get a boner." Carl whispered. Carla nodded, upstanding why Carl was thinking of that. He did have to go to the clinic twice today.

Back at the Gallagher house,Carla sat next to Carl on the couch as he watched Ted Cruz on TV. Carla didn't pay any attention to the TV she was texting Ryan.

"Why are you watching this crap?" Fiona asked after she walked inside. "To not get a boner." Carl explained. "Is it working?" Fiona asked. "So far." Carl said. "Is your penis doing okay?" Fiona asked.

"It's all right." Carl told her. "All right,I'm gonna go take a shower." Fiona said. "No, you're not." Carl said. "Huh?" Fiona asked. "Go take a look for yourself." Carla said.

Fiona stepped up the first step and saw a brick wall blocking the entrance to the upstairs. "Frank?" Fiona asked. "I assume so." Carl said. "The other side,too?" Fiona asked. "Yep." The twins said in sync.

~~

The next morning,Carla woke up on the living room floor. "Holy shit. I had no idea our floor was so slanted." Lip said. "Ugh,it'd be nice to have a toothbrush and a change of clothes." Ian said as he sat up.

"Yeah,I need a shower." Lip said. "My ass is numb from this chair." Carl said. "This couch is pretty comfy." Fiona said. "Still not mad at Frank,huh?" Lip asked. "I refuse to let him have any of my energy." Fiona said as she stood up.

"Dibs on the kitchen bathroom!" Fiona exclaimed as her lip and Ian ran towards the bathroom. "Oh shit,you -" Ian said .

"Shit!" Lip exclaimed as him and Ian groaned when Fiona got into the bathroom first. "We got to get upstairs." Lip said. "Yeah, we can throw a stink bomb up there if Liam weren't with him." Ian said as the twins walked into the kitchen.

"Put bars up on the window." Carl suggested. "Do you guys think we can set fire to the top floor of the house?" Fiona asked from inside the bathroom.

Ian and Lip banged on the wall and door. "Hurry up in there!" Lip exclaimed. "I'm using the sink." Carl said as he put a step stool down. He stepped on the stool and peed in the sink.

"Holy shit." Lip said as he stood up. "Dude,that is a mangled mess." Lip said. "Oh,my God." Ian said. "Ugh,fuck." Lip said. "It's all bloody and raw,man." Ian said.

"You shouldn't have gotten that stupid circumcision,man." Lip said. "All right,well,I did,and there's nothing I can do about it now,so fuck you guys." Carl said as he zipped up his zipper.

"I already feel like enough of a freak being the only Gallagher who's not circumcised." Carl said. "Thanks for making me feel worse about it." He said as he walked into the living room.

~~

Carla walked next to Carl as they left the school building. "Carl and Carla Gallagher,please approach the ambulance." Ian said over the loud speaker. "Gonna need you to speed up,Carl." Ian said.

Carla laughed and waved at her two older brothers in the ambulance.

Carla sat in the back of the ambulance with Lip while Carl lay on the Stretcher. "What's happening to me?" Carl asked. "We gave you a jumbo dose of Thorazine." Ian said from the front of the ambulance.

"My brain feels like cotton candy." Carl said. "And that's the way you're gonna feel for the next 72 hours." Lip said. "No way you get a bonder on that shit." Ian said. "Don't have to think about hairy balls anymore." Carl said.

"What?" Lip laughed. "You guys are the best." Carl said. Carla laughed at her brother.

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