Hobbit/The Lord of the Rings Imagines

Thorin ~ Moon 3

The tension was thick in the air at Bard's home. Zearah was curled up by the window, staring out, while the dwarves looked between each other.

"What will happen?" Balin asked quietly. "What will happen that first-"

"I don't know." She says, the tone in her voice unreadable. "If I knew I would tell you, but I just don't."

"Surely you know, you've been through it." Dwalin growls. "Surely you can give Thorin something."

She winces but still doesn't look at any of them. "I don't remember my first transformation, and from what I know, it is different for each species anyway."

"How can you not remember?" Dwalin asked angrily.

Zearah did look at him then, her eyes burning with anger, sadness and something that looked like loathing. "Because it was that painful, that traumatic, that I have no desire to remember. You can't imagine what it's like having something else inside your head, something that can control your body, and you are just as helpless to stop it as the day you were born. I can't even begin to describe what it's like Dwalin, so stop asking."

"Zearah," Thorin's voice was quiet and she winces again and looks away. "Stop blaming yourself for this."

She shakes her head. "There is no one else to blame. I swore that I would never inflict this...this curse onto another, and now...of all the people, it had to be you."

"And I will pull through it." This surprised all the Company and they stared at him. "I am not some weak simpleton that is going to just roll over to this. I'm going to-"

Zearah gives a sad laugh. "It's not a matter of being weak Thorin, the beast does not care about that, nor does it care if you fight. I spent years fighting it and it made no difference."

Thorin scowls angrily and marches over to her, grabbing her arm.

"What-"

"I want to speak to you privately."

Zearah lets herself be led away, the Company watching after them. Thorin takes her down beneath Bard's home and stops and faces her. He looks her over, she would not meet his eyes, there is a defeated set in her shoulders and she looked a lot older than what she was.

"Zearah, look at me." He says softly.

Zearah hangs her head, shaking it.

"Zearah please," He cups her chin, lifting her head up, but she still does not meet his eye. "Look at me."

Her eyes starting to shine with tears, her gaze finally meets his.

"I do not blame you for this." He says quietly. "We both knew this could happen. It was out of our control."

The tears spilled over but she still holds herself back. "I didn't want you to be affected by this, it was bad enough when you found out, but now-" She stops herself, trying to get her emotion under control.

"We will get through this." He says firmly, brushing away the tears from her cheeks.

She shuts her eyes and sighs. "You will start to feel it several days before hand, always in the hands. They will cramp, they will crack, they will hurt like nothing else has before. It will feel like you are burning, even if you are cold." He watches her closely, not stopping her. "Then it feels like you are being extended, but very, very slowly. Chances are you will be exhausted and unable to do much throughout all this. That's...that's when the voice starts."

"Voice?"

Zearah nods, still not opening her eyes. "Yes. This is a dark curse Thorin, it will say things that...make sense but you know you should not follow. Once you turn, everyday becomes a temptation to follow it, you want to give in but in doing so, you would lose yourself, only the beast would be left to exist." She shudders. "The one that bit me, he had given in, he only cared about spreading the curse and nothing else. Even as he died, he continued to fight, to try and reach another, and I put him out of his misery."

"You knew him." Thorin says, his eyes wide.

Fresh tears spilled from under her eyes. "He was my father." She sniffs, opening her eyes to look at him. "Once he gave in though...he was no longer my father, he was just...an animal."

She shook as she said it, her bottom lip trembling and Thorin wraps his arms tightly around her, ignoring the strain on his tightly bandaged shoulder. She allows herself to be pulled in close, and she fights to keep her emotions in control.

"He'd been fighting it for six years, trying to find a cure. I'd found out after four years and started to help him. He just...gave in, just like that and I...I had no choice, but I hesitated and that...that..."

"Was how you got bit." Thorin finishes for her. "Zearah, I'm so sorry."

Her body shook and she held back the sobs. "I can't watch you go through that too, Thorin, I just can't."

He pushes her back a bit, her tears flowing freely now, and cups cheek. "You have my word Zearah that I will fight this, I will fight this with every bit of strength I have, and I will ever give into it."

Thorin doesn't give her a chance to answer, kissing her hard. She whimpers for a moment but then returns the kiss with equal need. Their arms wrap around each other tightly, all their emotions pouring into the kiss.

It was messy and wet, the kiss speaking of each others desperation and desire for the other, and for a moment, they both considered going further.

Thorin broke the kiss, his forehead resting against her as they both drew in deep breathes.

"I need you with me Zearah." He says. "I cannot do this on my own."

"I will be here." Her voice was quiet, broken. "As long as you will have me."

"Of course I will have you, my moon. I would have it no other way." He kisses her lightly. "We...have just under a month to work this out now, and the others are going to want to help."

Zearah sighs and rests down against his shoulder. "I will tell you all what I can, but I am not sure how much help it will be."

"We will manage." He says softly. "Dwarves aren't considered resilient for nothing."

Zearah gives a huffed laugh and Thorin smiles, glad that she was at least a little happier. His shoulder gave a nasty throb, just enough to remind him of what would soon happen, and so he holds her tighter and tries not to think of what would come. He felt that if he just had her, it would all be okay.

Well, this isn't how I expected this to go, this was only going to be three parts, but it's turned into four. Keep an eye out for it!