Why am I never enough??

part 34

(sorry i'm just addicted to that song at this point)

when i woke up it was 5:00am and i saw that mattia. kairi and angel were all still sleep so i go shower then when i'm dressed and ready i wake angel up and he goes shower then i forget i left my purse in my room so i go in but when i go in i see angel naked, i mean completely naked
Y: OMG IM SO SORRY
i say covering my eyes and then running out of the room into the kitchen, about 10 minutes later he comes out the room
Y: i'm so sorry about that
An: oh no it's fine you could've stayed
i mumble under my breathe
Y: *i would've if i didn't still love dejuane*
An: i understand but we can just be close best friends
Y: i'm so sorry you weren't supposed to hear that but i would love too
An: as long as your happy i don't care who it is
Y: thank you so much angel, you'll still be my date to the rink tho right
i say laughing
An: ofc
angel says returning the energy it's now 6:30 so we wake up mattia and kairi and everyone else and when they're done we get in the car and tell them the plans for today, while we're just talking about them we pull up to school and go to first block it goes by pretty normal and so does every other class
~skip to the end of school~
after school we all get dressed in jackets and what not i decide to wear leggings and a hoodie, once we're all dressed we get in the truck and head to the rink otw there we stop at starbucks and get drinks then we continue on our way, once we get there we go to the register and pay for passes and skates then we walk to a bench and sit down putting on the skates once we finish we get up and go to the edge of the rink and everyone but me gets on
An: y/n come on
Y: no imma bust my ass
An: bruh just come on
Y: just go without me
An: if you say so
the angel skates away and i just watch everyone laughing and falling while i'm too scared to even step a foot then dejuane comes up to me
De: why aren't you on the ice ass
Y: because i'm scared bitch
De: what if i hold your hand
Y: you promise not to let go
De: i promise
Y: fine
i get on the ice holding dejuanes hand i was doing good then dejuane let go of my hand and i fell on my wrist and started crying because of how bad it hurt
De: i'm so sorry are you ok
Y: no dejuane i'm not fucking ok, you promised you wouldn't let go
De: i'm sorry, come here
dejuane picks me up and carries me to a table then takes off my skates for me and gets me a ice pack for my wrist
Y: thanks bae
i realized what i said then looked at him shocked
Y: i'm sor-
before i could finish dejuane kissed me, we stayed like that for about 3 minutes then when we pulled apart davine was staring at us crying then took off while the rest of the group stood there shocked
De: shit davine i can explain
he runs off to chase davine while i lay my head on the table
V: really y/n
Y: bruh it was an accident and it's not like she didn't do the same thing to me
K: yea but doesn't mean you do it back
Y: i don't have time for this my wrist is hurting like a bitch and my head hurts now so stop talking
M: you need to apologize
Y: yk what no i'm not gonna apologize because i don't regret anything actually if i got the chance i would do it again so no fuck davine and fuck you guys for always having her back no matter what happens, find your own way home because i'm leaving by myself
K: y/n wait
Y: no because kobe for some reason you always put other people before me now even though i was your friend for years and now you act like you just met me or something and it's really fucked up, same goes for mike, vallyk and derek yall switched up so fucking fast i met kairi a few months ago and he's more of a best friend then y'all and mattia is a more loyal friend then cherry, artis, andre, justin and tatyana, it's like every time something happens that you have to choose between me and someone else it's always the other person and i'm tired of feeling like a second fucking choice to everyone even dejuane, i miss him like crazy but every time i open my heart back up to welcome him in he finds a different way to break rather it's cheating or playing me i always go back because i'm a fucking idiot and yes i meant what i said i wish i would've died maybe then you guys would've actually gave a fuck about me, when i was in the hospital kairi was the only one that stayed and actually came in the room even when other people were allowed to come in nun of y'all came because y'all were too busy with your heads up dejuanes ass i get it he knew y'all before me but when he does something messed up to me he just gets "oh that's messed up" but when i do it it's always "why would you do something like that" or "we expected better" like omfg i'm fucking human just like the rest of you so how come when i mess up i get talked to like i just killed someone, if y'all don't like me just say that don't make me feel bad about myself
K: we're sorry
Y: no y'all aren't your sorry that i finally said how i feel now y'all feel obligated to feel bad for me, i don't care anymore if y'all don't like me then that's fine but at least pretend to be happy for me, i finally felt like i had dejuane back for those 3 minutes but y'all didn't care all y'all cared about is how davine felt which is ON SO MANY LEVELS FUCKED UP because y'all didn't even care that much when she was messing with him upstairs
C: we didn't know you would find out
A: CHERRY
Y: wait so you're telling me not only did y'all know dejuane was cheating but you knew it was with davine and y'all acted like my friends everyday all in my face laughing with me and acting like y'all cared about me and LET HIM BRING HER TO THE FUCKING HOUSE THAT I PAID MAJORITY FOR AND MAKE ME BELIEVE THAT THEY WERE ONLY FRIENDS THEN WHEN I KISS DEJUANE IM IN THE WRONG NO YALL SOME SNAKE ASS BITCHES THAT ONLY CARE ABOUT YOUR LITTLE CIRCLE YOU GOT ITS FUCKED UP TO THINK I CALLED YALL MY FRIENDS
M: y/n we thought it was for the best
Y: wait so who all knew about this
V: w we a all did
Y: oh omg wow kairi you too??
he didn't say anything he just looked down
Y: kobe please don't tell me you knew
K: i'm sorry
Y: mattia and andre y'all are my last hope please tell me y'all didn't know
no response
Y: omg i trusted you guys with everything, i loved y'all when i didn't love myself, i would've died for you guys, i would never let anyone hurt y'all, but i guess i was the only one that felt that way, but it's ok because now i know that nun of you really cared y'all just needed a free ride to fame and i'm guessing that was me
i walk out a crying mess and get in my car and just drive until i see a cliff i park the car and walk to the edge thinking about jumping but then i sit down on the edge and just cry and cry then i grab my phone and throw it and continue to cry myself to sleep

~skip to 4:30am~
i woke up and decided to go home because i was freezing when i get home and i walk thru the door i see everyone on the couch then as i walk in they all look at me
V: y/n please let us explain
Y: what could y'all possibly say to me
D: y/n we knew about dejuane and davine but we didn't do it to hurt you, we know it did now but we thought it would help and i know how dumb that sounds but we promise we would never intentionally hurt you and we're so sorry bro we promise when we said we thought it was best for you
Y: well it definitely only hurt me worse
D: we know and we see that now but we promise we never did it on purpose, we all love you so much and wouldn't dare to do something like that
Y: ik and i'm sorry for spazzing out on you guys
D: no we deserved it for not having your back and telling you what was happening when we figured out we all love you so much
V: yea i love you too
Kai: i love you too
Ma: me too
M: same
K: agreed more than them tho
C: i'm sorry y/n and i promise never to keep anything from you again
J: i love you too
A: i love you too
An: same
Ans: same here
Ta: fr
i look at dejuane because he hasn't spoke yet and i was pretty sure he wouldn't since davine was with him
De: i love you too more than you would ever know bro i'm in love with you i'm only with davine because i needed someone to make me get over you, but as you can see that doesn't work i miss you like crazy and seeing you with other guys makes me so jealous i need you in my life and i can't imagine a life without you that id truly be happy in, when i was with you i was the happiest i'd ever been
Y: then why cheat
De: because i thought that maybe you would leave me soon so i wanted to beat you to it to make it seem like i didn't need you but i do and i'm so sorry that i waited this long to tell you this and i know that's my fault but i miss you so much and i just wanna kiss you again and cuddle you and hug you
Y: i love you too and i miss you so much bruh
i run over to dejuane and kiss him then the group comes over and we do a group hug while davine goes upstairs and takes her stuff out of dejuanes room
Y: i forgive you guys but i'm going to sleep
i say walking towards my room
De: wait why aren't you going to my room well actually our room
Y: one because she was just in there and second all because i said i missed you doesn't mean you'll get me back that easy, anyways goodnight guys
i walk off and go in my room and shower and shave then i walk out putting on my pajamas then putting on a movie and thought to myself "how did a day that was supposed to be full of fun turn into a day with so much love and hate" then i put my phone on dnd (oh wait nvm she threw it off a cliff) and went to sleep

this literally took an hour to think of and type goodnight 😴💤