Why am I never enough??

part 116

once i was done crying it was pitch black outside and the only light was from the stars but i still got up out of bed and walking down the stairs seeing most of the group still awake

Kairi: he- are you ok??
Y: i'm fine where's dejuane
Kairi: he was in his room last time i checked
Alejandro: are you sure you're ok
Y: yea i'm fine thanks tho

then i walk towards dejuane door and i go inside as i walk inside he looks at me then turns the other way and turning off his tv so i go and sit on the bed behind his back

Y: bruh i'm sorry i didn't know
Dejuane: mhmm
Y: what can i possibly say to make you forgive me damn it i'm trying i didn't know i don't what else you expect from me i can't go back in time so what do you want
Dejuane: i wanted you to at least to act like you gave a fuck!!!
Y: i do but i didn't fucking know!!
Dejuane: and you didn't bother to fucking ask either you just got dressed and walked out the fucking house going wherever the fuck you and your friends were going and at that point it was fuck everyone else
Y: dejuane i didn't fucking know how many times am i gonna have to say that before you get it
Dejuane: as many times as you can before you realize your fucking selfish
Y: you confuse the fuck out of me one second your crying and screaming because i'm about to die then the next second your yelling and mad at me because of something you didn't tell me WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO DO
Dejuane: ITS NOT THE POINT I DIDNT TELL YOU ITS THE POINT YOU DIDNT BOTHER FUCKING ASKING
Y: I FORGOT IM FUCKING HUMAN WHAT DO YOU EXPECT
Dejuane: I EXPECTED TO BE THERE WHEN I NEEDED YOU JUST LIKE IM THERE FOR YOU
Y: OH IM SORRY I FORGOT IM SUPPOSED TO LEAP OUT OF THE FUCKING HOSPITAL BED AND TELEPORT TO YOU
Dejuane: YOUR A SELFISH BITCH YOU COULDVE DIED FOR ALL I CARE
Y: ha wow i guess you finally said what you really thought
Dejuane: no y/n i didn't mean that i swear
Y: well you sure did say it

i started crying then as i'm walking out dejuane grabs my wrist but i snatch it back then i go upstairs and close the door and lay with my head in the pillow and a few minutes later i feel someone rubbing on my back

Y: hey bubs
Kairi: hey what's wrong

at this point i sit up facing kairi still crying

Y: he's mad at me for something he didn't tell me
Kairi: which is??
Y: i don't wanna say because he hasn't told anyone besides me
Kairi: ok but why are you crying??
Y: because it's one minute he's holding me and crying and loving on me and the next he hates me and wants me dead it's at the point where even im getting confused and i know we're not together but it wouldn't hurt for him to make up his mind on what he wants
Kairi: i know what you mean y/n but you can't let stuff like that get to you he has to make that choice himself and all we can do is hope he opens his eyes and sees what an amazing girl he's losing before it's too late
Y: but that's it kairi it'll never be too late because i can't move on no matter how much i try
Kairi: you never know y/n there might be a day where you have too
Y: and in all honesty that'll be the hardest day of my life
Kairi: well let's take it one day at a time
Y: yea but damn kai i love him so much it's hard to sit here knowing he's going through something and i'm not there with him

at this point i start crying again and i lay down facing the ceiling letting the tears drop down to my ears

Kairi: it's ok we can hang out with chris
Y: i don't wanna hang out with chris or anyone i wanna be there for dejuane
Kairi: and i understand that but if he won't talk to you then what can you do
Y: nothing that's why it's upsetting me so much he won't talk to me and when i try to apologize it always ends up with him saying some hurtful ass shit and me walking off and crying maybe if i actually died he would give a fuck about me
Kairi: y/n stop you know he loves you just as much as you love him maybe even more but we also know he's stubborn as hell
Y: yea i guess but i really don't feel like doing anything tonight i'm just gonna go to sleep and hope tomorrow will be better
Kairi: i'll sleep with you
Y: thanks
Kairi: anytime

kairi lays beside me and i lay on him then after watching a few tiktoks and laughing we both fell alseep 

Dejuane pov:

when y/n walked out i sat down with my face in my hands i didn't mean to say that to her and i think deep down she knows that but she's still hurt and i know that i shouldn't have said that but it came out in the heat of the moment but i know i needed to go apologize but once i went upstairs i saw her talking to kairi and i knew he always made her feel better so i just walked downstairs with my head hanged low

Cherry: what's up with you and her
Dejuane: nun were fine
Cherry: bro we're not fucking stupid she's crying and you won't even look up
Dejuane: shit happened and i said some dumb shit that i didn't mean and now she's upset there is that what you wanted
Tatyanah: you really don't get it
Dejuane: don't get what
Tatyanah: that y/n is trying to fix whatever it is but you have your head so far up your own ass you can't see that
Dejuane: so y'all are on her side
Dixie: how can you be so fucking dumb
Haihai: no ones taking sides dejuane we're simply saying she's fucking trying and your making it harder on her by putting whatever issues of your own on her she's really trying to help you but you won't stop fucking pushing her away
Dejuane: well she's all up on kairi so she'll be fine
Mattia: BECAUSE ITS HER FUCKING FRIEND YOU REALLY DONT GET WHAT BEST FRIENDS ARE YOU TAKE YOUR INSECURITIES OUT ON HER EVERY FUCKING TIME AND WE'RE TIRED OF SEEING YOU MISTREAT HER WHILE WE SIT AROUND AND ACT LIKE WE DONT SEE IT Y/N HAS ONE OF THE MOST THOUGHTFUL AND CARING HEARTS I HAVE EVER SEEN AND SHES SO SWEET AND KIND TO EVERYONE AND I MEAN FUCKING EVERYONE UNLESS THEY GIVE HER A REASON NOT TO BUT LET YOU TELL IT SHES ONE OF THE MOST SELFISH PEOPLE YOU KNOW BUT SHES NOT DEJUANE SHES FUCKING NOT YOU JUST CANT SEE THAT AND ONE DAY WHEN SHE FINDS SOMEONE ELSE AND LEAVES YOUR ASS HIGH AND DRY DONT SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE REMEMBER YOU NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH YOU NEED SOMETHING UNTIL ITS GONE

with that he stormed up the stairs to y/ns room and i went in my room grabbing my keys, walking out the house, and driving off

sorry i was in Senatobia and i had no connection 😭