Why am I never enough??

part 125

once i woke up i got showered and dressed then i went downstairs and sat on the bar stools while eating some yogurt then i posted the pictures from yesterday and sat there waiting for the others to come downstairs, once everyone was down we talked and later the boys came and we all just sat in the living room watching movies, luis was sitting up and my back was in between his legs and i was facing the tv while we all just watched the movie and ate whatever snacks we felt like then i got on my phone scrolling through insta and dejuane was blowing me up so i put it on dnd and laid it beside me and i tried to focus on the movie but i was just overthinking damn near everything that came to mind so i got up and went into the kitchen and got some water out the freezer then i sat on the counter drinking it and a few minutes later there was a knock on the door so i got down and opened it and it was dejuane extremely drunk i whispered at him to leave me alone then i tried to walk off but he grabbed the back of my neck and turned me around forcing me to kiss him, i was pushing him away trying to move but the more i pushed back the more force he had, soon the others saw and luis came and pushed dejuane off of me

Luis: bro what the hell leave
Dejuane: i want y/n back
Y: dejuane no now go
Dejuane: y/n please

i turned around and dejuane was about to walk up to me but luis stepped in front of me

Dejuane: just let me talk to y/n
Y: dejuane you're drunk go home please
Dejuane: let me speak and then i'll leave you alone
Luis: bro she said leave now leave before i beat your ass
Dejuane: do it then
Y: luis no he's drunk it's fine just leave it alone

luis ignored me anyway and i did some dumb shit but i jumped in front of dejuane so instead of luis hitting dejuane he hit me and before i fell to the ground dejuane caught me

Luis: y/n i'm so sorry
Y: leave please
Luis: i didn't mean to let me help you

luis tried to touch me but i moved away closer to dejuane and he looked at me then walked off and left then i walked into the house and into my room closing the door and sitting at my vanity looking at the bruise on my cheek after a while i get up and find something to put on it then i get under my cover and sit up scrolling through movies on disney plus then a few minutes later i hear my bedroom door open up but it's probably mattia and kairi so ignore it then they sit on my bed and i look over seeing dejuane

Y: get out
Dejuane: no
Y: omg

i lay down and turn the opposite way from dejuane and he comes and lays behind me so i huff then sit back up

Y: omg if you're gonna refuse to leave at least give me space
Dejuane: i wanna cuddle
Y: i don't fucking care move
Dejuane: do you forgive me
Y: no now move
Dejuane: why not
Y: you pushed me and replaced me
Dejuane: i wasn't myself that night i pushed you and me replacing you was one of the dumbest decisions i've ever made
Y: you made me feel like nothing
Dejuane: and i'm sorry but i truly meant what i said in that hospital room i do love you and i'm sorry for acting like i didn't care it was just the thought of you moving on and becoming independent that made me upset because it felt as if you didn't need me anymore then when i saw the picture of you and luis i got jealous and i wanted you back more than you'll ever know and i'm sorry and if i need to i'll spend the rest of my life telling you how sorry i am but i need you y/n and that is a promise, lucianna was a distraction but then it turned out she was using me just like i was using her and i know you'll probably never look at me the same and i don't blame you but i'm also not asking you to date me or marry me again i'm just asking that you allow me back into your life and i'm also asking for your forgiveness because y/n i love you i really do
Y: i love you too dejuane and i also forgive you it's just that when you replaced me and got everyone to turn against me i felt as if y'all didn't need me anymore that's why i decided to leave and do my own thing because once the people who you call family betrays you then what more is there for you to do than move on
Dejuane: i understand and once again i'm sorry for making everyone turn against you and telling everyone things about you that weren't even remotely true in the first place
Y: i forgive you dejuane but you're still not cuddling with me because i'm still mad at you
Dejuane: so i apologized for no reason
Y: yes you did now move
Dejuane: damn is there a way i can take it back
Y: rewind time
Dejuane: um bitch how do i do that
Y: i don't know go figure out dumbass
Dejuane: um i'll push you again
Y: and this time i'm gone fight back bitch
Dejuane: so we gone sit here and act like you wouldn't lose
Y: we don't have to act because i won't lose
Dejuane: for someone who got hit for me you sure are talking a lot of shit
Y: i should've let him rock your shit
Dejuane: oh yea you fake
Y: bitch you the fake one but anyways like i said move your ass on the other side i'm trying to go to sleep you big bitch
Dejuane: i'm good
Y: omg

i just lay back down and dejuane lays behinds me and puts his arm over my stomach but i keep lifting it up and throwing it off of me while he keeps putting it back so i was moving his arm for nearly an hour until i just went to sleep

time to go rewrite chapter 17 before my mom reads 😭🏃🏾‍♀️💨