Why am I never enough??

part 51

once i woke up i saw that kobe jr and blessing was gone so i figured tatyana came and got them when she got home so i bathe azlynn and get her dress and fed and when she's done she goes in the living room and plays with her blocks and while she does that i go wake up dejuane jr and shower with him then get us dressed then dejuane comes in the room

Dejuane: can i see my son for a second
Y: now you want to whatever, here

i try to give him to dejuane but he grips on my shirt then once i pull him off and hands him to dejuane he begins screaming and crying as his face started turning red so i took him back and then he started calming down

Dejuane: wow so you got my own son to turn against me too
Y: yes because i can totally make a 2 month old baby decide who he likes because that totally makes sense
Dejuane: then why doesn't he want me to hold him
Y: maybe because since you're barely around hes just not used to you ass
Dejuane: whatever
Y: exactly and that same attitude is why he'll never be used to you because as soon as he does something you don't like you walk off on him and go talk shit about me and him to that bitch named malu
Dejuane: k

dejuane pissed me off so much because it was like he didn't even care so like my mind told me to i slapped ts out of him then i was about to walk off but he grabbed my wrist and squeezed it

Dejuane: stop hitting me like i'm your fucking child
Y: then stop acting like one
Dejuane: i'm not playing with you

he says snatching me back so that i'm now standing back in front of him but when he does that i almost fall but i regain my balance

Y: stop before you make me drop him idiot
Dejuane: i don't care stop hitting me
Y: see dejuane i would kick you in the nuts but i'll need you so i can have another child but i'll do it if you don't get out of my face
Dejuane: do it i dare you

he knew i wouldn't do it because he knows that i would never hurt him that bad so he laughed and let go of my wrist and walked out so i sat on the bed with dejuane jr just thinking about anything and everything which soon started to become too much so i just tried to put dejuane jr down so i could go run some water in the tub but he started screeching and kicking and crying so i picked him back up then he stopped

Y: you're gonna be the death of me

i say walking out of the room with him and seeing azlynn playing with malu which kind of made me upset but i wasn't going to be mean because if that's who she wanted to play with then so be it

Azlynn: mommy she's so nice
Y: not really but sure
Malu: it's ok azlynn your mommy is just mean and selfish
Y: don't fucking tell her that because i spoil tf out of her every chance i get
Azlynn: mommy you're selfish
Y: girl shut your ass up
Derek: what's going on

i look over and see derek and hailey standing behind the couch looking at me confused

Y: malu told azlynn i was selfish even though i spoil her every chance i get then azlynn called me selfish so i told her ungrateful ass to shut up
Derek: ok y/n calm down but malu you can't tell someone else's child that their mom is selfish when you know there was a time y/n wouldn't even stop spending money on her, y/n dumbass even took her to benihana
Y: thanks for defending me but you didn't have to call me a dumbass

i say giggling but at the same time giving him a death stare

Hailey: anyways we all know what derek was trying to say
Azlynn: but malu is nicer
Y: good for her

i say getting up and putting shoes on dejuane jr then putting on mine and grabbing my keys and walking out the door then i buckled up jr and then start the car and drive to dejuanes mom house because she likes to see him a lot, so once we pull up she jogs out the house getting dejuane jr out the house and kissing his face a lot making him laugh then dejuanes brother (idk his real name so i'm gonna make up one) jonathan came out and hugged me then we went inside and they were playing with dejuane jr making him laugh then after about 2 he started crying so i fed him, changed his diaper then rocked him back and forth till he fell asleep then i went to the car buckled him up and drove us home, once we got inside Azlynn was watching a movie with dejuane and malu but her and malu had on face mask

Y: she's only 1 i don't think she should have that on her face
Dejuane: it's my child too and i said it's fine
Y: well then you can deal with her when she's crying about all the girls at school with clear skin while she has acne

then i go in the room bathe with dejuane jr, put him and myself in pajamas and laid him on my chest and he went back to sleep while i rubbed his back and watched halloween town, and i was about to go to sleep until nique texted me (from nique and king) she was asking if i wanted to link maybe next month so i said yes then fell asleep

i made the cheer team 😈 for the 5th year in a row