Why am I never enough??

part 119

once i woke up it was 12:00pm so i wake up the kids and get them bathed then i get showered and after that i brush all their hair and with mine i dry it so it poofs back up then i get them dressed and the boys are looking nice in there black tux and the girls are looking beautiful in their small flowy dresses then i put on a pastel purple right fitted dress with a slit cut on the thigh part and silver heels and by the time i was finished nique told me she was pulling into the driveway so i grab my wallets and keys then me and the kids go down the steps

Jared: where are you going all dressed up

i don't answer i just walk out the door then we all get in niques car and i see she brought kaiser so all the kids start talking to each other then we pull up to this steak and hibachi restaurant and we get out the car and unbuckle the kids then we walk inside and we get seated at our table and we sit and look at the menu then we just decided that we'll get steak then we'll just give the kids mash potatoes and macaroni and if they promised not to get it on there clothes then we'll give them some type of dessert while we waited for our food to come we talked and laughed and talked about future trips we could go on then our food came and we ate and took pictures and videos then dj dropped food on his tux and i just laughed on the outside but irritated on the inside so before it stains i hurry up and take it off then we continue with what we were doing and after a while we paid the bill then left and went to the bowling alley and we helped the kids play so basically the kids thought they were playing but it was really me and nique we played that for what felt like forever then since we had the kids with us we took only 3 shots of whiskey and gen on the rocks then we got in the car and drove back to my house once nique dropped me and the kids off i waved at her and thanked her for an amazing birthday then i went inside and saw everyone laughing and playing twister with lucianna but i looked at them, rolled my eyes then continued walking upstairs and once i made it to the room i bathed the kids again and brushed their teeth and got them dressed in their pajamas then played movies and after they went to sleep i showered, brushed my teeth, brushed my hair, put it in a messy bun, and went downstairs and they were now all doing karaoke

Y: *mumble* fucking bitches
Haihai: huh
Y: i said fucking bitches
Smitty: ok dude for real what the fuck is wrong with you
Josh: for real you've been acting like a bitch to not only lucianna but all of us
Lucianna: and i've done nothing to you
Y: yes you have
Lucianna: how?
Y: you took all my friends
Dejuane: so since everyone prefers to hang out with lucianna then that's a reason to act the way you are
Y: no my reason to act the way i am is because y'all heads were so far up her ass y'all forgot about my fucking birthday and i've never forgotten any of yours
Donn: why didn't you tell us instead of playing dumb
Y: BECAUSE I SHOULDNT HAVE TO TELL MY OWN FUCKING FRIENDS WHEN ONE OF MY SPECIAL DAYS ARE COMING UP I FUCKING TURNED 20 TODAY AND IM NO LONGER A TEENAGER BUT THE ONLY PERSON THAT CARED WAS NIQUE ALL OF YOU GUYS FUCKING FORGOT BECAUSE LUCIANNA IS SO FUCKING GREAT THAT SHE DESERVES ALL YOUR ATTENTION WELL FUCK YALL FUCK ALL OF YOU YALL DIDNT DO SHIT FOR ME YOU COULDVE AT LEAST CHECKED MY INSTAGRAM STORY THEN YOU WOULDVE KNOWN WHAT DAY IT WAS YALL ARE SOME FAKE BITCHES IVE KNOWN HALF OF YOU WHORES FOR 4 FUCKING YEARS AND THE REST OF YOU FOR ALMOST A WHOLE YEAR BUT SHE COMES ALONG IN YOUR LIVES FOR TWO FUCKING DAYS AND SHES CENTER OF ATTENTION SO FUCKING EXCUSE ME IF IM NOT THE HAPPIEST THAT A BUNCH OF MOTHER FUCKERS I CALLED FAMILY ARE THE ONES THAT WERENT THERE FOR ME TODAY BUT OH IM SORRY I FORGOT IM JUST BEING AN OVERDRAMATIC BITCH

i throw a vase on the floor shattering it into pieces then i storm back upstairs and i go in the bathroom that's in the hallway and i slam the door and slide down it until i hit the ground with my face in my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs, i don't care that lucianna was making friends with the group but i cared that the group was slowly replacing me and acting as if i never mattered while i was in the bathroom no one came and checked on me but i heard laughing and giggling not too long after and the part that hurt worse was knowing they couldn't give a fuck about me or how i felt so i grabbed my keys out of my room and walked downstairs

Y: watch the kids i might come back bye

then i walked out the door and got in my car driving off to be honest i had no idea where i was going all i knew is i needed to go somewhere for a little bit so i just go to the airport and buy a last minute ticket to Atl then once i board my plane i sleep the whole ride there then when we land i order a taxi to the bridge i used to always go to and before y'all judge me i know doing all this to go to a bridge is too much but when this bridge is the only thing that can make you feel completely better then it's definitely worth it then after hours and hours of reminiscing i go and book a flight back to new jersey and once i'm back in town i get back in my car and it's now a new whole day and i drive home and once i get home i don't say anything i just walk upstairs and i see lucianna playing with the kids then once they see me they run to me and she walks out and i talk to them about where i was then i take a nap with them right beside me

hmmmm i need some ideas 🏃🏾‍♀️💨