Why am I never enough??

part 162

once me and kobe woke up i went downstairs and talked to the others while they made jokes about the tiktokroom post then after a while there's a knock on the door so i open and see tatyana which shocked me because i haven't seen her in a very long time but she looked different and she had a major glow up but after i talked to her for a while she stepped in and i was wondering what she was doing then kobe came downstairs with blessing and kjs bags packed and handed them to tatyana so i figured they were going with her for a while then once they got in the car kobe went outside with tatyana for almost an hour then he came back in while i looked out the window seeing tatyana get in the car and drive off

Y: what y'all talk about
Kobe: nothing really
Y: are you sure it was nothing because that sure was a long conversation
Kobe: yea but it wasn't nothing really
Y: are you lying
Kobe: Y/N drop it i said it was nothing
Y: ok i'm sorry i asked

i look at the others and they shrug at me then azlynn and dj said they wanted to go to dejuanes house so even though i didn't want to i got them ready and got their bags packed and we got in the car driving to dejuanes house and once we got there we got out the car knocking on the door until he opened it

Dejuane: oh hey y/n come in
Y: i just came to drop the kids off because they missed you
Dejuane: oh ok

dejuane moved aside and the kids ran in putting their bags down and playing while dejuane faced back towards me

Dejuane: well thanks for bringing them
Y: well i couldn't say no
Dejuane: i guess but can i have a hug
Y: ehh i don't know if i should especially after what you did
Dejuane: just this last time
Y: fine but don't make me regret it
Dejuane: haha just don't overthink it

i give dejuane a hug and he hugs me back and we stay there for a second and when we pull apart we just look at each other until his neighbor walked out his house closing the door and we looked away and i gave him a smile

Y: well i outta get going before the others start to worry
Dejuane: oh um yea you should do that i'll make sure to get them sleep at a good time
Y: can you keep them the whole time please
Dejuane: yea i will i promise
Y: thank you
Dejuane: no problem well bye now i love you

when dejuane says that i stand there shocked and for some reason my eyes start to water but i just say it back then get in my car and just drive around until i see a cliff so i pull over and sit on the edge looking at the sky and thinking then i turn on my music from the car radio and i turn it all the way up so the only thing filling my head is the beat of the music while i sway side to side just singing and slowly but surely clearing my mind and after a while i get up now feeling brand new and i get in my car and turn my radio down then i drive home and once i got there i turned my car and walked inside putting my keys down and going on the couch and plopping down

Mattia: where were you
Y: just thinking
Kobe: about what??
Y: "nothing really"

i say using air quotes while rolling my eyes then i turn back to mattia and we talk back and forth while the others just listened and after i finished talking to mattia we put on a movie and we sat down talking and drinking apple juice and eating snacks then kobe scoots next to me on the couch and i move sitting next to kairi so kobe pauses the movie and looks at me

Kobe: what's up with you
Y: i'm fine leave me alone
Kobe: you're mad at me for what??
Y: you know what
Kobe: no i don't so tell me 
Y: i asked you a question and you yelled at me for it so keep it that way i won't ask you nun else so leave me alone and play the movie
Kobe: that's what this is about that's so fucking dumb
Y: ok now play the movie
Kobe: the shit you get mad over is childish y/n
Y: kobe i don't care like i just said if you don't want to tell me then keep it that way but i won't ask you shit else because when i did you yelled at me so excuse me for being "childish" when you really are because now all a sudden why keeping secrets??
Kobe: what secret am i keeping
Y: you won't tell me what you and tatyana talked about
Kobe: because it's not important
Y: ok so we keeping secrets so make sure to keep that same energy

i snatch the remote out of kobe's hand and i play the movie and everyone sits in silence until they all start getting tired so after a while some of them got up going in there rooms and when mattia got up i got up with him and started walking to his room while kobe was talking to me telling me to sleep in the room and sleeping in another guys bed is going to hurt our relationship and a bunch of shit i didn't care about but once me and mattia got in the room he closed then room and we watched movies and talked then when we got really tired we laid facing our backs toward each other and he turned off the tv then i went to sleep with mattias back pressed against mine

ok gn my eyes were half closed while writing this 😴