Why am I never enough??

part 139

once i woke up i got off of kobe and went in the living room and sitting down and talking to everyone later kobe woke up and came out and he sat next to me and dejuane was across from me but i was talking to kobe about whatever came to mind until dejuane called my name then he got up going into the kitchen so i followed then i sat on the counter

Dejuane: i need to talk to you
Y: i know dejuane that's why i came in here
Dejuane: well the others wanna go to a party tonight and just hire someone to watch the kids
Y: ok we can do that
Dejuane: but what if i relapse then i'll feel like i let you down
Y: you've gone 2 months without anything dejuane even if you did i'd still be proud of you for going that long
Dejuane: but i wouldn't be proud
Y: and that'll be something you have to deal with internally but just know i'll always be proud of what you accomplished
Dejuane: thank you
Y: of course

while i'm sitting on the counter dejuane gives me a hug then once we pull apart i get off the counter and go back in the living room sitting on the couch with the others and now they're talking about what time the party starts once we discuss everything we all go to our rooms and get dressed then i give azlynn my phone in case she needs to call me then once we were about to leave the babysitter comes and i thank her then we tell her what time they sleep and everything then we walk out getting in the van and heading to the party once we got there me, melissa, sharan, gabby, devyn, tatyanah and nia went to the bar and we got a shot while dejuane and a few of the others went and sat on the couch but the party went on pretty normal then dejuane came up to me whispering in my ear but i couldn't hear anything he was saying so we went outside

Dejuane: can we go i don't want to be here anymore
Y: that's fine we can go
Dejuane: can we sit out here for a little tho
Y: of course we can

3rd person pov:
when kobe saw y/n and dejuane go outside his mind instantly went to where it wasn't supposed to so he grabs lexi and takes her to a room upstairs then after a while y/n and dejuane come from outside and they were laughing then y/n looked upstairs and she saw lexi and kobe coming out of a room fixing themselves and she just shook her head now getting watery eyes and she gave the keys to the van to someone else and her and dejuane got an uber back to the hotel room and once they got there they paid the babysitter then she left

Azlynn: why are y'all back so early
Y: we just didn't feel like partying
Blessing: why is your voice cracking
Y: oh i'm fine sorry guys don't worry

3rd person pov:
y/n and dejuane sit down playing and talking to the kids until they get tired so they get them ready for bed and while they're sleeping y/n goes into the kitchen and grabs some fruit then sits down at one of the tables and eats and thinks and since dejuane was there she told him everything and he just stood there and hugged her and she hugged back while still talking about how she felt then while they were hugging the others came in and y/n hurried and wiped her face then they moved apart and looked at the others

Kairi: so y'all are a thing again
Y: no and i wish everyone wouldn't fucking assume that
Kobe: then why did y'all go outside
Y: because he was telling me he wanted to go but first he wanted to just chill outside and you would've known that if you came and asked me instead of assuming shit and then getting in lexis pants
Kobe: i- i didn't know
Y: yea no shit because you jumped to conclusions and thought the worst of me
Lexi: so that's why you were with me
Kobe: i'm sorry lexi and i'm sorry y/n

y/n doesn't even say anything she just grabs her fruit and walked out going into her room and she sat on the bed messing with her fingers and holding back tears until there was a knock on my door and she looks over and sees kobe standing in the doorway

Kobe: can i explain
Y: there's not much you can say after you did what you did
Kobe: it's just i saw you go outside with dejuane and i automatically thought the worst
Y: exactly when it comes to me and dejuane y'all always think i'm going to let him push me over and i'll just get back with him whenever he asks but i won't and why the fuck would i do ANYTHING with dejuane outside of a fucking party
Kobe: i don't know and i shouldn't have done what i did and i'm sorry
Y: you sound just like him
Kobe: who
Y: dejuane
Kobe: no i don't i'm nothing like him and i don't want to be compared to him either
Y: you're exactly like him tho you both say sorry when you fuck up thinking it's going to fix what you broke but at least dejuane is changing that but you came in earlier this morning "confessing your feelings" or just letting me know hypothetically but then you go and fuck lexi like if you want me then say that and stay loyal or whatever you want to say but don't say one thing hypothetically or not but then do something else
Kobe: y/n i do still like you and i don't mean it hypothetically
Y: well you sure don't act like it kobe you really don't
Dejuane: can i come in
Y: sure
Kobe: see you talk about me but you're always near dejuane every chance you get
Y: because he's like a best friend to me i'm not just about to drop him when he needs me to help him fully recover from rehab and don't come for me all because you fucked and just know actions speak louder than words so don't tell me you want me then get caught with someone else

kobe walks out and dejuane hugs y/n again while tears gently glide down her face then they pull apart and he wipes her eyes causing her to smile a little then they both giggle and hug again but this time dejuane lays down on the bed so y/n head is on his chest and he has his arms wrapped around her back while she occasionally cries but soon stops then falls asleep

not me thinking i posted this before i went to sleep 😭