life updates for anyone who cares

i blocked him.

ye.. pretty much.

he wanted to meet up for dinner, i didnt wanna see his face at all. so my dad told him how he and my mum were. and how my mum didnt let my dad talk to her etc.

and he mentioned it to me after asking me if he should buy an IPL for hair removal. i was just like bruh.... are you kidding me? like sorry but worry about yourself. ik what i have to do.. idk i felt offended.

and then he mentioned how my dad told him that story so i got even more pissed bc he said "your mum didnt let him talk to her" and i was like????? are you kidding me rn? ill more than happily block you, i got no issues.

and then i did. i realised how i should have done this way earlier. like the first day after the baat pakki (which is what my intuition was telling me)... instead of 16 days later. but good thing is we still got 15 days to go iA. so he got his way, but now im getting mine.

and its not like im gonna be emotionally vulnerable with him immediately either. just bc we will be physically intimate doesnt mean that i will be emotionally intimate,,, not for a while at least.

which is why im on birth control... i dont wanna just have babies with just anyone, i need enough time to sus him out and also i need to make sure im not just giving away my womb simply bc we are married. its not that simple. i never wanna be stuck in a situation where i have to "stay for the kids" whatever that means. i want to be 100% sure that we can work as mum/dad instead of just assuming we're going to be good bc we're married.

if he pushes the baby stuff too far, i might have to tell him all this.

feminine doesnt mean open yourself up completely naked. did he forget that he is a MAN and that all women have ptsd from hearing stories?

anyways that wasnt the only thing that pissed me off today.

i got pissed at how defensive im getting recently over him. idk its just kinda weird.

and also bc my mum said smth like "iA [my] half-sister will get someone better than [my fiance]" and i was like ????? like whats that supposed to mean?

i immediately reacted and said smth like 'there cant be someone better than him [except probably in looks]" and then i got these weird stares and i realised im becoming kind of a weirdo lol

but also mum shouldnt be saying stuff like that... bc its not cute or funny. comparison isnt cute. especially between sisters.. its just weird bc mum knows our dynamic and how my half-sister is the jealous type etc.

not only that... what does "better" mean? like im confused. shes VERY 180 degrees to who i am.. so its not "better" its just different. idk i got pissed at that, i might mention that my mum bc its not funny and its disrespectful to my fiance and most of all, me.

i just dont understand all this Pity Party for someone that can't build their own self-esteem and the  fact that you have to put me down or my choice of a partner just to make HER feel better.... not cool and not good parenting either.

but this is a reminder to myself that i didnt fall that much into sin Alhamdulilah.. for eg. he was asking for facetime and i told him no it was too intimate etc. then i told him many times that im trying to "enjoy my singlehood" so he knows his place lol