life updates for anyone who cares

ive been humbled.

and i hate it. ive just realised why islam is for women.

women truly don't have a home in this world. this rishta has proven to me  how desperate my parents are to get me a guy - they think im unlovable. or that i should lower my standards.

the standard being, staying apart from the in-laws which my mum always advocates for.

males will never understand why females hate staying with their in-laws but i thought my mu, the one who has conditioned me to believe that i should abhor joint family systems and i successfully did, is suddenly switching up on me and telling me to marry this man.

idc how attractive, educated he is.

aren't i just as attractive and educated?

am i just a female to them?

the sexism is deep. the misogyny is real and you wonder why females say k*ll all men; my dad was so hurried when he told him ' i personally dont mind a joint family system' ye baba, bc youre not the one thats gonna be living there..

also this guy literally leaves at 9 am and comes back at home at 9pm.. so i wouldnt marrying him, i would be marrying his family. literally.

and how exactly does he not expect that shit to make it into our relationship eventually?

are males like braindead and so selfish that they literally can't fathom how their own wife would feel in THEIR house.

like??? they literally can't comprehend anything past the alphabet and money.

it acc doesnt occur to them, that theyre inlove with their own family bc thats their literal family... but theyre NOT my family. like is it really that difficult to understand..

tbh tho, i remember the guy saying that he doesnt mind a granny flat.. so granny flat it is. and i can chip in to show exactly how committed i am to this rishta... bc he seems good enough to me but just that living arrangement thing really got to me and im talking to this girl on tiktok who has experience and has lived with both her parents and her husband and her husband and her in-laws

and she said they were both terrible experiences... and thats exactly what my mum has told me throughout.. that even well-intentioned people get involved and just ruin things bc of their involvement.

and i dont want to experience any 'when is the baby coming'... like im still on accutane. no baby for me.

anyway, it made me appreciate islam so much tho. and it all made sense to me (maybe im being dramatic now) but why islam was sent down to the arabs.. while they buried their daughters. the world is literally so scared of women???? like they will bury us ALIVE or else they would either have to a) face their hypocrisy or b) watch their women go thru the same sh*t they put other women thru.

i literally feel like im being sold to the LOWEST bidder. not even the highest. i understand his circumstances. but I'M the one leaving MY house, NOT him and my requirements are NOT crazy. this is why Allah has made sure we can read our rights. so that we dont get coerced into marriages by our well-meaning but incredibly terrible-minded parents who are stuck in this cycle of scarcity mindset.

im just remembering my khala, my mum is literally thinking like my nano did when she got my khala married.. and what did that bring everyone? years of heartache and trauma, and a distorted version of how marriage life should be. if my nano had just paused to think that "hey this daughter that ive spent YEARS rearing, is finally ready for the world, let me find out who wants her and whether or not theyre good enough for her..." but no she got her married to the worst person ever.

is a life of misery but married better than misery and single where no kids are involved and no real trauma is happening? or is everyone so busy fkn worrying about appearances that they forget that there is a PERSON that has grown up in their household that is going to be leaving, that deserves atleast what she has been raised with?

this is why islam is for women, ive never felt so humiliated and empowered at the same time.

even our parents can just turn on us like that.

like damn you really think im THAT ugly that im just gonna marry any fat man that comes my way bc his MUM likes me?

wow.

i wouldve been married a LONG time ago.

im sure the guy is understanding enough and will probably agree to meet halfway. bc i will not be living with my in-laws

if this doesnt work out which honestly, i have a feeling it will bc the aunty really wants it to happen. I can see how Allah is sending attractive people my way and i feel llighter about that. there is always a silver lining.

oh and while im here, my mum said to me "ye zyada itra (showing off) nahi rahi" to me when i said i wasnt sure about the rishta.. like what???? i am NOT about to be made to feel like i should be ~grateful~ someone came for my hand.

ofc they did, im frkn beautiful, funny, talented, caring and a frkn hot ass piece of maggot. why wouldnt anyone want me?

but it just hurts when your literal family says stuff that is literally telling you: "you cant do better than this"

but you know what im glad i havent sunk into their negativity... bc im keeping my head up. idk this guy, he doesnt know me... anything could happen. imagine i had come under pressure for my previous rishtas... which were all fat old ugly "men" literal garbage. and yes i body-shame xx

anyway, this is a message to my mum that i didnt settle for a fat man and im not gonna just settle for someone who makes me live with their parents (thing is, ik he'll accept my offer to pay a bit for the house bc he wants this as much as i do..) well, we can only hope for the best.

remember baby: a lion will NEVER eat grass, no matter how hungry he i. be like a lion, never lower your standards bc someone expects that from you" stay strong baby... you got this